Behind the Glass
by Nayasmin18
Summary: Brittany and Santana have left high school. They're married and have the perfect family with their perfect lives. Or so it seems. Santana's struggling but no one notices. WARNING: Deals with topics readers may find triggering such as drugs, depression with mentions of eating disorders, self harm and suicide. I do not own glee or the characters.
1. Chapter 1- Introduction

My day starts the same: Wake up after a few hours sleep, go over to the desk and find the baggie behind the picture on the wall, take two pills then climb into bed before Brittany or the kids wake up.

I'm not an addict. I'm not. I just need to feel relaxed all the time. I need to forget how I feel without them. The constant self-loathing, hatred, anger. They help me forget all that and make it easier to pretend to be happy for my family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and they do make me happy. But the bad outways the good. I don't want anyone to worry and I'm helping myself by taking the happy pills.

It's been around 2 hours since my fix this morning. All I've done since then is stare at the ceiling, my gaze was interupted when I felt Brittany roll over into my side. I looked down at her. She's so beautiful.

"You're staring." Brittany mumbled through her now curved lips. She slowly opened her eyes and her smile grew wider when she looked up at me.

"I can't help it, you're so beautiful." I lent down a placed a gentle kiss to her lips.

"Mmm, I love it when you wake me up like that." She pulled me back down and kissed me again softly.

"What time is it?" She asked me. I glanced to my right to looked at the clock.

"6:30." She groaned and got up off the bed. I pouted my lips. "Hey where are you going, I wants my cuddles."

She giggled. "I know baby but I've got to leave in an hour." I furrowed my eyebrows.

"But you don't start until 9?" I asked her and slowly sat up against the headboard.

"I know but a client asked if he could have an early session and he offered me more money so I couldn't turn it down." She explained whilst rummaging through the drawers pulling out clothes and a towel. "I really need to shower too."

I got out of bed and stood behind Brittany. I placed my hands on her waist and traced patterns across her stomach. I leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

"Well could I at least join you?" My voice was low and husky. She let out a soft hum and slowly turned around wrapping her arms around my neck.

"You know I could never turn that down." She leant in and joined her lips with mine.

I pushed my head forward to deepen the kiss and let my hands move their way down to her ass. I squeezed my hand and played with the pale flesh when the door opened. We both pulled away and looked at the door. Our daughter was stood there looking sad. Her blue eyes were glistening and her tanned hands were gripping onto her stuffed unicorn.

"Mamí? Mommy?" Her voice was muffled with sobs but I could just about hear her call out for us.

Brittany immediately rushed to her side and bent down to her level pulling her into a hug. Ava Lopez-Pierce collapsed into the hug and began dampening Brittany's t-shirt.

"What's wrong baby-girl? Did you have a bad dream?" Brittany spoke into her dark-blonde hair. Ava nodded against her chest, Brittany rested her chin on the top of the five year old's head. Brittany looked up at me and pouted her bottom lip out whilst furrowing her brows. She was tracing her fingers on the girl's back to try and soothe her.

"What was your dream about bunny?" Brittany got to her feet bringing the girl with her. Ava's legs were wrapped around Brittany's stomach, her face was buried in the crook of the older blonde's neck and the young girl was clinging onto her tightly.

"M-Mamí... sh-she..." Her words were being cut off by the body racking sobs and her uneven breathing.

"Shh, just take a deep breath. You're safe now." Brittany started to bounce the girl slightly to try to calm her down. Once she composed her self she finally managed to speak up.

"Mamí got taken by the mean angel that took abuelito." As the final words rolled off her toungue she went back to sobbing into Brittany.

Pedro Lopez, my abuelo, died last year. It was a tough time and we had to explain to the kids that he had passed away. We told them about how an angel comes and brings you up to heaven but on the school yard one of Ava's classmates told her that it's a dark, evil angel that takes away your friends and family. It took a long time to convince her that nothing bad would happen but she occasionally brings it up and gets upset and sad that she won't see us again.

I walked closer to my wife and daughter and Ava quickly reached out for me to hold her. I accepted and pulled her into my arms. She held on tightly and moulded her little body with mine.

"Mamí's fine baby-girl. I'm not going anyway." I muffled into her hair and started to rock her slightly whilst peppering kisses onto her head.

I looked up at Britt and stared into her ocean eyes. She looked at me sadly and eagerly. I then remember that she had to go to the dance studio in 40minutes and she still hadn't showered or changed. I nodded my head and mouthed _it's okay go, I've got this _ and gestured my head towards the little girl in my arms. She gave me a soft smile and then rushed to get her things.

"Come on baby-girl lets go back to sleep. I'm going to be right here with you." I whispered into her ear and walked towards the bed. I layed her down and climbed in next to her pulling the covers over both of us. "You go to sleep now, okay?"

Ava nodded and snuggled into me. Her short, raggedy breaths became more even when she had drifted off to sleep. Parents are supposed to feel happy in moments like this but I couldn't help but feel broken.

**A short chapter that sort of slowly opens into the new lives of the Lopez-Pierce family. Have fun!**


	2. Chapter 2- Rekindled Emotions

I was sat on the balcony gazing out to the streets of New York City. Every little car flashing past or not flashing past, New York is full of traffic. I couldn't really tell the difference as my high had just started to kick in. Nothing in my brain would shut off. It's gotten the the point where my regular fix wasn't working anymore. It's like I'm physically there but my head isn't. I constantly feel like I'm moving through the clouds and everything's too fuzzy.

I glanced down at my wristwatch and looked at the time, 2pm. I have to pick Ava up from Preschool in an hour and I need to wake Isaac up from his nap.

I slowly made my way to his room and quietly opened the door. Isaac loved space. When he told us he loved space Britt and I decided to do something cool to his room. We painted an entire wall black and painted lots of constellations on it together. He had planets hanging from the ceiling with the sun being the light. His bed was like a spaceship. He had toys spread across the floor and a cute meteor rug.

I crept over to his bed and brushed my fingers across his forehead and gently kissed where my fingers grazed.

"Jet baby it's time to wake up." We called him Jet because of his jet black hair. But also because that's how he found his love for space.

Me and Britt were showing the kids photos from high school especially the ones from glee club. They knew everyone because of our monthly New Directions Nights but they pointed to the 2009 group photo for the yearbook. They pointed to Matt and asked who he was. We told them we didnt know he would just show up.

But then they pointed to Finn.

_"That's your uncle Finn." Brittany said whilst placing a kiss on Ava's temple._

_"Why haven't we seen him before?" Isaac asked innocently. I had to look away to fight back the tears forming in my eyes. Britt knee this is a tough topic for me so thankfully she took the lead on this conversation._

_"He was one of our best friends. He was Aunt Rachel's boyfriend." She reaches her hand to mine and gave me a reassuring squeeze._

_"So where is he now?" Ava said._

_"The Angel took him up to the sky. He's in the stars now. He's always watching over us, if we ever miss him we can just look up and we know he's with us." I glanced over to the bookcase which had a framed copy of the star that Finn bought Rachel as a gift. He said those words to her and that's what everyone did whenever they missed him. Rachel had got us all copies so we could remember every moment._

_"But I don't want to look up when I miss him." Isaac crosses his arms over his chest and let out an angry puff._

_The tears escaped from my eyes but I quickly looked away and wiped them._

_"What do you mean bud?" Brittany asked hoping that he meant something different._

_"I want to go be with him. One day I'm going to build a big jet and visit him up in the stars."_

That's why we call him Jet and that's why he's so obsessed with space. He wants to go visit Finn, abuelito and Lord Tubbington. Tubbs does a few years ago and Brittany was very upset but it was just a matter of time.

"Jet come on we have to go get Ava." I planted another kiss against his cheek this time.

"No mamí." He turned away from me with a big grin on his face. I started kissing all over his face and tickling him. He was giggling and it made the cutest noice in the world. I couldn't help but smile.

It's moments like these where the bad gets outweighed but the good. But I can always sense the feeling. It's just nice to feel happy even if it's for 2minutes.

"Mamí stop!" He said whilst laughing and trying to swat my hands away.

I placed one last kiss on his cheek and pulled him to sit up.

"How about once we get Ava we can go and get ice cream?" I asked whilst trying to animate my face excitedly.

"Yay!" He screamed with joy and bolted out of the room.

••••••••••

We had picked Ava up and were now in the Ice cream shop. I had Isaac balanced on one hip, holding him, and Ava holding my free hand.

"So what do you want guys?" I asked them energetically.

"Chocolate!" They both said in unison and then started laughing uncontrollably. I joined in watching them laugh.

I quickly looked around the shop for a free seat. It wasn't that hard as it wasn't very busy. "Okay while mamí gets the ice creams you guys go sit on that table there." I pointed to the table 2 metres away from me so I could still watch them and not have to worry. I placed my order and when I received the ice creams I heard someone call my name.

"Santanita."

I turned around and was met with my abuela. I dropped the ice creams on the floor.

What the fuck was she doing in New York?

"A-Abuela..." She was with a bunch of old women who i'm guessing are her "girls".

"Wh-what are you doi-" My sentence was finished by Isaac running towards me.

"Mamí! Our ice creams!" Before I could respond one of the women my abuela was with spoke up.

She pointed to Ava and Isaac and said "Ooo Alma these must be your great-grandkids! It's so nice to see that she has stopped her dyke ways and finally straightened out!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. What a fucking bitch! My face was becoming a deep shade of red.

"Actually I'll have you kno-"

"Yes it is. Well Santanita it was nice to see you. Tell uh- Brian I said hi." She seemed weird when she spoke.

I felt like I'd just got hit by a bus. It was like senior year all over again. I thought we had gotten past this when she came to our weddings. We had two, the second time just being a single gay wedding. The amount of pain, hurt and forgotten emotions all came floating up.

"A-Ab...Abuela?" I croaked out. My voice was thick with tears barely above a whisper.

"See you soon." She gave me one last look and then left.

The tears were overcoming me but I couldn't cry. Not in front of people. I'm too strong for that. I grabbed Ava and Isaac's hands.

"Ava, Jet mamí just needs the bathroom come with me." I rushed to the other side of the shop to the bathroom and then locked myself in the stall.

I couldn't cry because my kids would hear me. I just had to stop the pain until I got home.

I pulled out my baggie of pills and took two. That should be okay until I got home. Everything will be okay. It will all be okay.

**Sorry for not updating this story. I had this idea and wanted to publish the first chapter but then I got focused on my other story. But i'll try to update both. Anyway thanks for reading. Vote, comment all that shit. Have a nice day!**


	3. Chapter 3- Help Is Coming

_Brittany's POV_

It was 3:45pm and I was in my office at the studio preparing for my next dance class. I looked over at the schedule to see that it was hip hop class for ages 10-12. I was running through some choreography when my phone started ringing. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Rachel. Why would Rachel be calling me? Ugh she probably wants me to choreograph another one of her broadway numbers.

"Rachel I've already told you I'm not doing it again!" I said with annoyance.

"What? No! Brittany it's Santana. I'm worried about her." I am too. She's been acting different it's like she's not there. She's always spacey and in a trance.

"What do you mean?" I said with panic in my voice.

"She dropped off Ava and Jet and was shaking. I told her to come in but she just kept repeating 'I need to be strong'. Britt it was scary she just ran out the door."

"I need to go find her." I ran out of my office panicking. Rachel was mumbling on the other end of the phone but I wasn't listening. I saw Mike in one of the dance studios so I went in and told him to take over my class before I sprang to my car and drove home.

••••••••••

I reached our house and ran to the front door.

"San? San baby?" I shouted whilst running into all the rooms. I reached our bedroom and heard sobs.

"San..." I saw her laying on the bed hunched into a little ball. She was breathing unevenly and had tears streaming down her cheeks. Her cries were heartbreaking. I went over to her and pulled her into a hug. She immediately turned into me and clutched onto my shirt. I whispered words of affection into her ears. She'd been crying for 10minutes when she just stopped.

"San." I squeezed her shoulders to get her attention. "San, what happened?"

"I'm fine." She said and shrugged me off her and went into the bathroom. I heard the lock click.

I rushed to the door. "San baby let me in." I said with my voice full of worry. There was no answer so I kept pounding my fists on the door. "San open the door. Please." I begged tears streaming down my cheeks.

The lock clicked again so I forced the door open and saw her just sat on the toilet seat staring blankly at me. It was like she was a completely different person.

"San what's going on? Please tell me. I'm so confused." The tears kept flowing.

She pulled me into her and kept mumbling that she was okay and that she was sorry for scaring me. I knew she wasn't okay. She hasn't been for awhile now. When she realised I wasn't going to let this go she explained to me about her run in with her abuela.

"It's fine though. I'm over it." She said to reassure me. She's closing herself off. I don't know what's going on but it's scaring me.

"Stop. You're not fine. You haven't been for awhile. Please just let me in. Tell me what's wrong." Her face softened.

"Can we not talk about this right now? Please?" She begged me. It wasn't until now I saw how broken she truly was. Her eyes were full of pain. She had bags under her eyes, she was paler, she was skinnier and her eyes were red.

"Baby I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner. I promise you I'll be here for when you're ready to tell me. I love you so much okay?" I asked her with the continuous flow of tears.

Her cheeks were now mirroring mine. Soaked from the tears. She simply nodded and pulled me into a hug. She whispered how she was sorry over and over again.

I don't know what's going on. I will get to the bottom of it. I won't let her waste away or close herself off anymore. I'm going to help her whether she wants me too or not. I'm not leaving her, I'll stick by her side. She needs me and I need her.

**This chapter is shorter then the others soz about that. Leave a review. Have a nice day!**


	4. Chapter 4- The Talk

**Quick A/N, I'm altering how I write. It's going to be in 3rd person now and i'll make it clear whose thoughts are whos. Also I'm not going to keep saying that Santana takes pills because it will get quite repetitive. Just know that she takes xanax a couple times a day lmao. Also I think I'm turning this story into a life after glee. I mean it already is that but i think it's going to not just be based on drugs.**

**PS I'm basing their house of off The Dunphy House from Modern Family. They live in New York but we're pretending that's where the house is :D**

Friday 5am

It's been a few days since the run in with my abuela. Britt keeps trying to get me to talk to her about how I'm feeling. She's my wife and I should tell her everything, I mean that's the key to a healthy marriage. But telling her would make her so disappointed in me, so it's just best not to tell her right? She's going to stop loving me. Everyone does. I'm nasty, unlovable, horrible, worthles-

"Baby, what's wrong? Why are you up? It's 5 in the morning." Britt says sleepily as she sits up next to Santana.

"Sorry couldn't sleep." Santana lies. Well technically i'm not lying, i'm just not giving the whole truth.

"I think you should see someone about your insomnia. I feel the bed dip when you get out of bed every morning." She pulls Santana's body into her so her head is laying on the blonde's chest. The dancer massages her fingers over the brunettes scalp and she lets out a hum of approval.

"Maybe." Santana says as she sink further into the warmth of the body next to her.

"It's not good for you. Especially with your work and the kids. All that driving around is dangerous on low levels of sleep." She kisses my temple and brushes her free hand up and down my arm.

"I know baby, I just can't help it. I'll see someone about it if it makes you feel better." She leans up to kiss her softly on the lips and smiles warmly as she pulls away.

"It will." She copies my movements and kisses the smaller girl quickly and softly. "But you need to sleep missy." She says playfully whislt tapping the latina's nose. "It's New Direction's Night tonight and we're hosting so I need you at full attention to help me prepare."

She leans down and kisses the brunette deeply. Santana traces her bottom lip with her toungue but the dancer pulls away. Santana pouts her lips at Brittany but she just laughs.

"No sexy times until you get some sleep." She says as she wags her fingers.

She pulls herself down the bed to get comfortable whilst keeping her arm securely around Santana. Brittany continues to trace patterns up and down the smaller girl's arms until her breathing evens out. When she's satisfied the brown haired girl is asleep she lets sleep consume her.

••••••••••

Friday 5:00pm

After finishing her midday shift at the radio station, Santana cleaned the whole house. Brittany came home around 4, finishing early, and took over food duties. Once Santana had finished cleaning she came into the kitchen with Ava and Jet.

Santana bends down and whispers into Jet's ear "Go ask mommy then." She places her hand on his back and guides him forward. He runs straight into the back of Brittany's legs.

"Mommy can we help?" Jet asks with an adorable smile that shows off his dimples.

"Of course you can baby!" Brittany replies back enthusiastically as the house phone rings.

"I'll get it." Santana says as she exits the kitchen.

Ava and Jet sit on the stools at the island counter so they can reach. Brittany walks over to the island with a scale, a bowl and a bag of flour.

"Okay so what you're going to do is put the flour into the bowl until that number reaches 2-2-5, okay?" Brittany says as she points to the number on the scales. They both nod. Ava pours in the flour whilst Jet watches the scale as the numbers change. Brittany walks over to the sink and pours herself a glass of water.

"Stop!" Jet shouts as the scale reaches the correct amount. This causes Brittany to jump and she spills her water down her top.

"Isaac, inside voice!" Brittany groans in frustration. She uses a dish cloth to dry her t-shirt.

"Sorry mommy. Please don't be sad like mamí!" Isaac begs. He runs over to his mom and gives her an apology hug.

"I'm not sad bud." She bends down and gives him a kiss on the forehead. He reaches his arms out to be picked up which Brittany does.

"But mamí is." Ava cuts in. Brittany just sighs unsure on how to answer.

"Yeah. She is. That just means we have to be really nice and try to make her not sad." She replies in a friendly tone to ease the mood. The dancer squeezes her son tighter to reassure him that everything will be fine before placing him back on the floor. She reaches behind her and drinks the remainer of her water.

"Is it because abuelita called her a da-ike?" Brittany chokes on her water with Jet's words. She coughs a few times before she calms.

"What's a da-ike?" Ava questions. Brittany bites her lip due to the very heavy conversation she's having with her children. She clears her throat ready to speak but before she can Santana walks back in.

"It was Mercedes, she was calling to tell us that her, Sam, Puck, Sugar, Artie and Kitty have landed and that they're on their way." When Santana finishes her sentence she looks around the room and feels the tension. "What? What happened?"

Brittany walked over to Santana, smiling at her kids. "Our children just asked me what a dyke is." She said through her smile and gritted teeth.

"Oh god that means we're having the talk." Santana sighed, loud enough only Brittany could hear. Santana cleared her throat and motioned for everyone to follow her to the living area. Brittany and the children sat on the couch whilst Santana sat on the armchair.

"Okay." Santana clapped her hands together. "Jet so mommy tells me you have a question?" Santana says in a calming tone. Jet shakes his head in response. "Don't worry baby, we won't shout. What was your question?"

"What's a de-ike?" He whispers.

"It's a really mean word." Brittany states short and sweetly.

"But what does it mean?" Ava asks shyly.

Brittany and Santana look at eachother to reassure one another that they're making the right choice to have this conversation.

"You have two mommies don't you?" Santana asks. Ava and Isaac nod in unison. "Do your friends have two mommies?"

Isaac shakes his head whilst Ava replies "No they have a mommy and a daddy."

"Why don't we have a daddy?" Jet asks quietly. Santana tenses up at the question and Brittany immediately places her hand on the smaller girls knee to soothe her.

"Sometimes girls don't like-like boys. They like girls. And sometimes boys don't like girls they like boys." Brittany responds. Santana squeezes Brittany's hand in thanks.

"Like uncle Kurt and uncle Blaine!" Ava says proudly.

"Exactly!" Brittany high fives her little look-alike.

"Mommy you still haven't answered! What's a duke?" Isaac complains.

Brittany swallows. "Well um. A dyke is a really mean word for when a girl likes another girl and you should never say it." Ava and Jet both went silent. Jet crossed his arms over his chest angrily and Ava looked like she was about to cry.

"Abuelita's mean to mamí." Jet said sharply.

"It's okay bud. I'm okay." Santana tells him to comfort him. Both of the kids seem satisfied with her answer so Brittany decides to wrap up the conversation.

"So if you ever have any questions, come and ask us. Okay?" Both of the kids nod at Brittany before running upstairs to play.

Even though this conversation had gone fairly well. Santana was still feeling very anxious. She missed her midday dose and desperately needed to take another xanax. Her leg started bouncing with nerves.

Brittany glanced over at her wife and saw she was distressed. Her leg was shaking like crazy, she was sweating and was biting the skin off her nails.

"Baby come here." She reaches for Santana's hand and pulls her onto her lap. "You're shaking like crazy. Are you feeling okay?" Santana just nods. Brittany puts her hand to Santana's neck to feel that she's hot. "You're not okay, you have a fever. We're cancelling tonight." The blonde pulls Santana further into her.

"No don't. I'm fine. I just need some tylenol." Santana gets up and goes to the bathroom in hers and Brittany's room upstairs. She locks the door behind her and roots through the cupboard to find what she's looking for. She takes two pills to catch up on her missed dose. She waits a few minutes to let them kick in when Brittany knocks on the door. Santana plasters on a fake smile and opens the door. "See all better baby. Now lets go downstairs and finish making the food." She strolls out of the bedroom and makes her way downstairs but Brittany doesn't.

She looks into the bathroom for anything suspicious but comes up empty. _Weird _she thinks, _We don't keep the tylenol in our bathroom. _Brittany tells herself to keep an eye on Santana because something not right is happening.

Santana reaches the kitchen downstairs and grabs the avocados to make guacamole for the nachos. Her hands are shaking slightly before stopping. She feels herself relax. What I'm doing is fine, they clearly help me. If I don't take them I'll be too sick to help out, so by taking them I help everyone. Even myself.

**Apologies if I didn't do the two mommies conversation justice, I found it quite hard to write. Anyways review, have a nice day!**


	5. Chapter 5- New Direction's Night

**Friday 7pm**

The food had been prepped ready for everyone to arrive. New Directions nights are always crowded because everyone brings their children as well. It's always a lot of stress for the people/person hosting as they have to make enough food, drink and because people fly between L.A. and N.Y. (depends on who is hosting) they have to make sure there is room for people to stay. Santana and Brittany cleaned up the guest bedroom in the basement ready for Sam, Mercedes and their little girl Sienna to stay in. These nights are casual so no one dresses up.

Santana and Britany had both gotten ready and Santana was getting Isaac into his pajamas. All the children wear pajamas and play together but always end up falling asleep around the house.

Just as he puts his pajamas on ready the doorbell rings. Jet jumps into Santana's arms and they head down the stairs, Brittany had taken Ava down before as they were already ready. Brittany opens the door and the Lopez-Pierce's are greeted with the Anderson-Hummels. Standing before them are Kurt, Blaine, Alfredo, Devon and Tracey. The kids immediately run inside the house and disappear to go play. The four adults all share a laugh at their kids energeticness.

"Well come in!" Santana chuckles. The four exchange hugs and cheek kisses.

"You're awfully chipper today!" Kurt laughs as they all walk through the house to the kitchen. Blaine leans against the fridge whilst Kurt leans on the island. Brittany sits on the stool and Santana is stood by the sink. Kurt looks over to Brittany to question her good mood.

"Yeah you are considering you weren't feeling well 2 hours ago." Brittany responds with a slightly harsh tone.

"I told you. I took something and now I'm fine." Santana says whilst pouring two glasses of wine to Blaine and Kurt.

"Must be the drugs." Blaine jokes to which Kurt laughs along with him. Santana tenses up and it does not go unoticed by Brittany.

"Well now that we're done questioning Santana lets party." Santana replies in a bitter tone but only Brittany realises it's not her usual snarky tone.

••••••••••

Everyone arrived within the next hour as they had gone to their temporary homes for the next few days to freshen up. Artie, Sugar and their daughter, Cora, are staying with Rachel and Finn, Puck is staying with Quinn and even though him and Kitty are together she's staying with Tina and Mike. Quinn already hates the fact her ex-husband is staying with her but she understands he needs to see his kids. With that being said she makes his girlfriend stay with someone else because that's a step too far.

All the adults were in the living area at the front of the house talking, laughing, eating and drinking. Tina, Mike and Rachel don't really drink so they offer to keep main watch on the kids. Especially the younger ones. The kids always split off into different groups. Alfredo, Isaac, Cameron Puckerman and Blake Chang always go to together because they're all 4 with the exception of Alfredo, he's 5. Devon, Charles (Charlie) Chang and Flynn St James play together all of which are 3 years old. Ava and Tracey play together because they're the only girls and "boys are disgusting". There is a 2 year age gap between them but they don't care; Tracey isn't as much of a baby as her twin brother. Rachel looks after her little 1 year old, Raine, Tina and Mike watch Sienna, also 1, and Cora who is 2.

Santana hadn't been drinking that much which of course raised Brittany's suspicion of the latina. Brittany had asked her multiple questions about it to which she replied she wanted to watch the kids to help Rachel Berry out, again making Brittany even more suspicious. Santana has had enough of the questioning so she goes onto the front porch to get some air.

"Well with Santana leaving, RUDELY I MIGHT ADD!" Rachel shouts the last part so Santana can hear her. "No one will physcially hurt my throat if I sing another song. Blaine. Piano." Rachel demands. Rachel starts singing Hello by Adele to which everyone rolls their eyes.

"Is she okay?" Quinn leans over and whispers to Brittany. Brittany doesn't look at Quinn she just shakes her head and throws back the rest of her drink. Quinn raises her eyebrows in a sort of _tea-has-been-spilt _way. The hazel-eyed girl places her hand on Brittanys leg. "Do you want to talk about it?" Brittany nods and gets up nodding for Quinn to follow her. They head into the home office. As soon as the door closes Brittany just starts crying. Quinn pulls Brittany into an embrace running her hand up and down her back.

"I don't know what to do anymore." Brittany sobs whilst frantically wiping her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Quinn questions, brushing away the few remaining tears.

"I don't live with Santana anymore. She's different. She pushes me away, she's spacey all the time, she doesn't sleep, she's lost weight and her appetite, she doesn't sing anymore, she insists she's fine, she lies to me-" Brittany lists off now just crying silently.

"Lies to you?" Quinn furrows her brows. The taller blonde nods at her. "How?"

"Before everyone got here she was shaking and sweating. She was scorching hot. She said she was fine and went to get some tylenol from our bathroom. But we don't keep it in there, it's always in our bedside cabinet. As soon as she stepped out of the bathroom she was fine. It was so weird." Brittany shakes her head in confusion and frustration. "And I mean she's not even drinking tonight."

"She is. She's been drinking red all night?"

"The same glass. She says it's because she wants to help out Tina, Mike and Rachel, but we both know that's not true." Brittany sighs and Quinn slowly after. "I got her to agree to see someone about her insomnia maybe they can figure out if something else is wrong."

Quinn gives Brittany weak encouraging smile. Brittany wipes her eyes again to hide the signs of her crying.

"Britt, she just might not be ready to talk about it yet. Give her her time and don't push her to tell you anything." Quinn rubs Brittany's arm.

"We better get back in there." Brittany leaves the office and goes back to the lounge. Quinn sighs and can't help but think about the new information she just learned.

••••••••••

Santana is sitting on the porch step smoking a cigarette trying to calm herself. Her regular fix of xanax wasn't having the desired affect anymore, but she doesn't want to up her dosage as it will cost her more money. She already has a hard time hiding the money she spends on drugs and Brittany's getting suspicious.

"You're an idiot." Santana turns her head around to see where the voice came from.

"Puck, go somewhere else if you're going to be a dick." Santana responds harshly, taking another drag of her cigarette.

"Easy girl." He jokes. "I'm just trying to help you not get in trouble with your wife. You know she hates it when you smoke."

"Then we'll just have to keep this between us then won't we?" She asks with a slightly threatening tone. She continues to stare out into the street having another puff.

"Why can't you see I'm just trying to help you out?" He says sadly.

"I see it. I just don't need it." She stamps her cigarette out on her arm. Puck immeidtaely reaches his arms out to her and throws the cigarette away from her.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He shouts with his voice full of concern. Santana pushes him off her when something falls out of his jacket. His eyes go widen. "I-I can explain that."

"Is that E?" She asks. Santana would sometimes take ecstasy in her party days but hasn't used it since.

"You can't tell anyone please!" He begs.

"I won't." Pucks face softens. "If you give me two." He debates his options before placing two little white and red pills with the mario logo on into her hands. "Let me guess, Mario your dealer?" She chuckles Puck just nods, confused as to how she knows Mario. Him and Santana are no strangers to drugs but Mario has only recently come into business.

She takes both of them before giving Puck a devilish smirk and going back inside, Puck closely behind sighing, "What have I done?"

••••••••••

Santana walks back into the house and greeted by the sound of Rachel Berry belting out the words to another song. Rachel finishes singing the song with a lengthy note and opens her eyes. She looks at Santana expecting to be physcially harmed but Santana decides to play it nice, considering she's going to feel a lot better within the next half an hour.

"What? Don't stop on my account." She says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Everyone stares at her dumbfoundedly. "Encore!" She cheers gleefully, to which Brittany eyes her suspiciously.

Rachel's face turns back the rightway up as she excitedly prepares to sing another song. Puck re-enters the house and goes to where Kitty is sitting and kisses her on the cheek, Quinn rolling her eyes in the process.

"Mind if I sit?" Santana says shyly to Brittany.

Brittany debates saying a whitty comeback but instead decides against it knowing it will push the latina further away. "Sure." The blonde gives her a wife a small smile and patting the space next to her. Santana mutters a thanks and sits in the seat offered to her.

••••••••••

It's been 30 minutes of everyone taking turns to sing songs and others performing old numbers they did back in glee club. Santana didn't participate, she hasn't felt like singing much lately. However, Brittany decides to take Quinn's advice and not question her about it.

Santana is sat on the couch listening to Sam sing his glee club audition song: Billionare. As Santana is listening she starts to really feel the music. It's reaching her in a different way like she can actually _feel _ the music. 'This is awesome' She thinks and starts laughing to herself.

Sam stops playing his guitar when he hears Santana laughing. Everyone glances over to her, watching her just laugh to herself. Puck realises her high must have kicked in and can't help but feel guilty. He runs his hand through his hair and sighs.

Santana realises that the funny feeling music has stopped. She looks around and everything seems much brighter. "What?" She slurs.

"Baby why are you laughing?" Brittany giggles. Everyone found Santana giggling to herself quite funny, except Puck.

"It feels funny." She sighs happily whilst cuddling up into Brittany's side. Everyone is still laughing this time with a look of confusion. Brittany just looks up at everyone and shrugs then motions for Sam to continue; he does. Brittany wraps her arm around her wife, all tension between them being forgotten, and kisses her wife's head.

The feel of Brittany's soft lips being pressed to the latina's head triggers something in the latina's body. It felt so good. She craves more. With that being said, she grabs Brittany's face and pulls her into a deep kiss. Her whole body bursting with feelings and emotion. It all feels so different and amazing. As Santana finally pulls away she starts drawing patterns on Brittany's face causing the blonde to laugh.

"What are you doing?" Brittany chuckles, smiling from ear to ear.

"Feels nice." Santana murmurs just loud enough to be heard, continuing to feel all over Brittany's face.

"You're being weird." Brittany laughs kissing Santana's nose causing her to laugh.

Over on the other side of the room, Quinn has been watching the whole interaction between the two. 'Santana is being strange, really strange.' She thinks. She gives a quick look over the room to see if anyone else witnessed the exchange and noticed Puck staring at them hardly with a guilt ridden face. 'Somethings going on' She frowns. 'And I will find out.'

**Oof, this is a long chapter, I plan to right more around this length. I'm spliting New Direction's night into two chapters because it's going to be too long otherwise. Do you guys prefer shorter or longer chapters? Anyways hope you enjoyed, comment your opinion. Have a good day!**


	6. Chapter 6- Downfall

Puck looks on as Santana continues to touch Brittany's cheeks and play with her fluffy sweater. 'Fuck, what have I done? She's fucking high in front of everyone!' He holds his head in his hands, pissed at Santana and himself.

Brittany does her best to ignore Santana playing with her sweater. 'I don't like how she's acting. She's definitely not drunk so why is she acting so weird?'

Puck continued his stare over at Santana and Brittany. He watched the latina get more and more stressed out as she tries to feel Brittany's face but her hands won't stop twitching. 'I need to stop this.' He sees her clenching her jaw and jumps out of his seat.

"Santana can I see you in the kitchen?" He says quickly.

Santana untangles herself from Brittany and stands up. Stumbling as a wave of dizziness hits her. Luckily Puck catches onto her to stop her from falling. Brittany hops up too.

"Woah, do you need to lay down? I knew you weren't feeling well." Brittany says beating herself up about the latinas fever before.

'This doesn't seem right. I don't think it's the fever.' Quinn thinks as she eyes the latina suspiciously watching for anything out of the ordinary.

"I'm fine Britt, I told you." She mumbles and sinks into Puck's arms.

"I've got her." He winks at Brittany as the two enter the kitchen. He sets her down on a stool before getting her a glass of water. She attempts to drink it but instead pours it down herself while moving her mouth like she's eating the air. "What the fuck Santana?!" Puck whispers angrily. "You're fucking going up to bed."

Santana frowns angrily at him. "You do not tell me what to fucking do in my own house!" She slurs standing up and almost falling.

"Look at you!" He points at her harshly. "You're a fucking mess. Get your ass up to bed!"

Santana loses control of herself. She feels the anger rush through her but can't control it. Her jaw starts moving from side to side as she grinds her teeth.

"Get the fuck out of my house, you're a fucking deadbeat dad!" She yells loudly whilst throwing her glass of water into the wall, causing it to smash, gaining the attention of everyone in the living room.

"Everyone stay here, Quinn come with me." Brittany's says quickly running out of the lounge, Quinn at her heels. "What's going on in here?"

Quinn and Brittany look at the sight in front of them and see water and glass all over the floor, Puck looking hurt, angry and guilty. And then Santana, soaking wet, sweating slightly, shaking and grinding her teeth.

Quinn and Brittany look at eachother both understanding the situation at hand plus the latina's weird behaviour earlier.

Quinn runs into the living room to ask everyone if they can leave and take all the kids (in the nicest way possible). Quinn offers Mercedes and Sam to stay at hers and she'll stay somewhere else before entering the kitchen once again.

Brittany storms over to Santana angrily grabbing her face to look into her glossy eyes with pupils twice the regular size. She scoffs and laughs bitterly pushing her face away.

"You're high? You're got to me fucking kidding me!" She yells tears of anger streaming down her face. Santana just looks away not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. "What have you taken?" Brittany asks. Santana doesn't respond. "Santana what the fuck have you taken?" She yells even louder.

"E." She says still not looking at anyone.

"Where did you get it?" Brittany doesn't even bother to wipe the tears flowing out her eyes.

Quinn looks over to Puck to see he is avoiding eye contact with everyone too. She plays the night over in her head with Puck looking guilty staring at Santana.

"It was you?" She points at Puck putting two and two together. He doesn't move. "Unbelievable." She scoffs trying to conceal her anger to stay strong for Brittany.

"I can't have a conversation with you right now. And you can't either with the state you're in. Quinn come on." Brittany and Quinn leave the house swiftly not looking back once.

Puck doesn't say anything, he goes to the spare bedroom in the basement to stay the night.

Santana stands in the kitchen wondering how the hell her life went so downhill. Brittany's knows and won't love her anymore. Her kids won't love her for being a drug addict. Santana stops her thoughts when she realises what she thought. "I'm an addict." She mutters. She falls to the floor breaking down repeating the words "I'm an addict" over and over again.

'I need to get clean. For Brittany and for the kids. I can do this.' Santana gets off of the kitchen floor and heads upstairs to her bedroom. She grabs the ziplock bag with xanax from behind the photo frame and flushes the pills down the toilet. They were the last pills in the house, so to stop Santana being tempted to buy more she barricades herself in the bedroom. 'Quitting isn't hard, I can do this.'

••••••••••

Brittany and Quinn had been driving round neither saying anything the whole journey. Brittany had her had against the passenger window letting all her emotions out.

"I don't get it." Brittany says dryly. She takes a moment to think before continuing. "There has to be a reason. She's never been like that before and she's been off for a while." Brittany sighs.

"Talk to her when she's sober and let her explain." Quinn says focusing on the road in front of her.

"I shouldn't have to wait for her to be fucking sober." She brings her fingers to the bring of her nose and pinches. "Sorry, I'm just angry."

"Don't worry I am too." Quinn squeezes Brittany's knee to let her know her apology is accepted. "Where are we going?"

"A hotel, I'll pay." Brittany says. They make their way to the nearest hotel. It's nothing too fancy but it's not cheap.

They get a single room with two single beds and head up to the suite. Brittany instantly gets into bed and curls into a ball, crying quietly.

"Try to get some sleep, I'm here with you." Quinn kisses Brittany on the cheek goodnight before getting into bed herself. She finally lets herself cry tears of anger and sadness. Both blondes end up crying themselves to sleep.

••••••••••

Brittany and Quinn didn't get up until 10am. They let themselves sleep in for once knowing their children were being looked after. The girls knew they would have to explain to everyone why they kicked them out but that would have to wait as they have a more important conversation to have.

They avoided it all day staying in the hotel room, eating food and watching films. Quinn received a text from Puck saying he was flying back to L.A. at 12pm, which Quinn ignored.

It was now 5pm and the girls had dragged out their avoidance as longs as they could. They were slightly worried as they hadn't had a text from Santana all day so they checked out of the room and took a 30 minute drive back to the Lopez-Pierce residence.

Brittany unlocked the front door slowly stepping in. She looked around and everything was the same as it was last night. She frowned slightly wondering why Santana hadn't cleaned up a little bit. She usually did this when Brittany was mad at her to try and get on her good side.

"San?" Brittany called hesitantly. No answer. "Santana?" Her and Quinn checked all the rooms downstairs before heading towards the master bedroom.

Brittany tried to open the door but it wouldn't budge. She knocked on the door a few times before trying to open it again.

"Santana?" Her voice was raising slightly filling with more worry as the door wouldn't open. "Why isn't she answering?" Brittany asked Quinn panicking.

She started banging on the door loudly but it was no use. She grabbed a pillow from her sons room and ran into the door to try to open it. Trying a few times before it finally flew open.

Their room was destroyed. Everything was thrown everyone, stuff was smashed but what made her worry the most was her wife laying down on the bed not moving. She walked over to her and turned her around.

"San?" She asked her with tears in her eyes, gently tapping her cheek.

Santana's chest began to jerk, followed by her whole body. Brittany froze watching her wife's body jerk all over the place.

"Q-Quinn! Call 911, I think she's having a seizure!" Brittany shouted tears clouding her eyes as she tried to hold the latinas head, unsure of what to do.

Everything was a blur. There was screaming, sirens, paramedics all zooming around Brittany's head. She could faintly hear Quinn say "It will be okay."

**Tell me your opinion on long chapters, review and have a nice day!**


	7. Chapter 7- First Step

Brittany had been sat in the waiting room in the hospital for 3 hours. Quinn came with her for support and had gone to get the two coffees and something to eat. She came back and gave Brittany her drink, she replied by nodding a thank you.

"Eat this." Quinn holds her hand out with a blueberry muffin in it.

"I'm not hungry." Brittany shakes her head, looking around for the doctor.

"You are. Just eat it." Quinn gives Brittany the muffin who eats it slowly. When she finishes a doctor walks towards them.

"Are you here with Santana Lopez-Pierce?" The tall dark man asks them.

"Yes, I'm her wife." The doctor nods for her to follow him as she's doing that she calls back to Quinn. "Can you gp check on Ava and Isaac for me?" Once Quinn nods and leaves the hospital. Brittany returns her focus back to the doctor.

He looks at his clipboard and motions for Brittany to come into a separate room. "I'm Dr Beed, nice to meet you." Brittany just stares at him blankly waiting for the information. "Okay, so she's stabalized now. She did have another seizure but the doctors sedated her." Brittany nods at him, taking in all of the information. "We did runs some tests to determine the cause of the seizure." He stops himself before continuing. "Does Santana have a history of addiction?"

"No." She knows that last night was the first time Santana has taken drugs, not including when she was younger.

"Before we ran the tests she was showing symptons of withdrawal. When the results came back we found levels of MDMA and benzodiazepine in her blood, specifically xanax. If you stop taking benzodiazepine suddenly they can cause seizures." Brittany understands what he's trying to say. It would explain her weird behaviour these past couple months.

"She um used E last night and I got angry at her for it and ignored her all day. I thought it was weird I hadn't heard from her so I went to go check up on her and you know the rest." She stops, unsure of how to ask about the xanax. "I didn't know she'd ever taken xanax but um how would a umm, a person act?" Brittany stumbles with her tear coated voice.

"Well xanax alters the way a persons brain works. Basic symptoms include insomnia, loss of apetite, low physical and mental energy, increased anxiety, slurred speech. Why do you ask?"

Brittany's heart sinks and just lets out a sob. The brown haired man realises what's going on by the blondes cries.

"Mrs Lopez-Pierce, there's lots of ways to help someone with addiction." He says reassuringly. "I'll take you to her now."

They make their way to Santana's room to see the latina sleeping in the hospital bed. Her face is pale, she looks thin and there's bags under her eyes. Brittany's heart breaks at the sight and she runs inside the room sitting in the spare hospital chair, clutching the brunettes hand. She brushes some of her hair off her face and kisses the free space.

She looks back down to their conjoined hands and noticed a trail of circular scars across the latinas forearm. She recognises what they're from and adds it to the list of things to talk about in their conversation.

Dr Beed enters the room, closing the door quietly behind him. "Sorry to interupt, I just want to go over how we're going to help Santana." Brittany nods at him whilst kissing Santana's knuckes. "She should be out for another hour or so, but to stop her seizuring again we will have to give her a small dose of xanax."

"No. That's what's harming her." Brittany cries into her wife's hand.

"Benzo's have serious withdrawal affects so to help battle her addiction she can't quit cold turkey. We have to ease her off of them slowly." He explains. "When she wakes up we'll give her a 0.5mg dose, we don't know how much she takes currently but having some in her system will let us be able to have a conversation with her about it."

Brittany nods in understanding while tracing patterns over Santana's limp hand.

"I do recommend that she goes to see a therapist. Addiction can take a dangerous toll on a person's mental health. Especially anti-depressants, with overuse they can either cause depression or make it worse." As Dr Beed says this she looks back down to the multiple cigarette burn scars on the brunette's arm.

"Is that why she has these?" Brittany asks brokenly gently tracing each scar.

"All the signs point to it but we can't be 100% about any of this until we talk to her. She will have to stay in hospital for a few days as she's currently a danger to herself. We can discuss a tapering plan once we've found out how much she takes daily." He states.

"Thank you." The blonde whispers. Dr Beed nods before walking out of his office.

••••••••••

It's been 2 hours and Brittany is getting pretty ansty because Santana has yet to wake up. She hasn't stopped trying to wake her, becoming increasingly worried when it doesn't work. She didn't sleep well last night and even though she promised herself she would stay awake she decides to take a quick nap. Just as she closes her eyes she feels her fingers being squeezed. She shoots them back open to see Santana trying to open her eyes.

"Hey baby." She whispers with happy tears in her eyes, brushing away the latina's hair once again.

As she fully opens her eyes the nurse walks in. "Ah, she's awake I'll get Dr Beed now." She exits the room.

"What happened? Where am I?" She groans trying to sit up.

"No stay laying down." She gently pushes her back down giving her a kiss on the head. "You're in the hospital." Before she can question Brittany the doctor walks into the room.

"Hello Santana, nice to see you awake and stable." He chuckles earning a glare from the latina. "Well, I'm here to prevent you from having another seizure."

"Seizure?" She mumbles confusedly.

"Baby before I explain I just want you to know something, I'm not mad at you okay?" Brittany says with tears in her eyes.

"Why are you crying? What happened? Why would you be mad?" Santana states getting more upset and frustrated with everyone question. She starts shaking so Brittany looks up at the tall man and they exchange a silent conversation before he passes Brittany a little pink pill.

"Can you do me a favour and take this?" She offers her wife the pill and a glass of water.

Santana recognises what is and tears immediately flood from her eyes. "No. Get it away from me." She yells trying to maneuver away from Brittany. Brittany grabs a hold of her keeping her in place. "I promised I wouldn't for you." She shouts, tears still streaming from her eyes.

"Shh, I know. I'm not going to be mad okay? I'll be mad if you don't take it. It's going to help you." Brittany says soothingly losing the battle with her own tears, clutching onto the shaking girl.

Reluctantly Santana takes the pill. After a few minutes her shaking begins to subside. She looks back up at Brittany and sees her eyes coated in tears, much like her own. She sinks further into her wife repeating "I'm sorry." over and over again.

**Hope y'all enjoyed. I've been in the writey mood lmao. It will probably stop though as I start school up again so apologies. Like and comment! Have a nice day!**


	8. Chapter 8- Reasons

Once Santana had calmed down Brittany asked her if they could talk about it and suprisingly Santana agreed. Brittany had moved into the bed with Santana and held her tightly, the latina's shaking had returned. Dr Beed was still in the room ready to ask his questions but before he could Brittany did.

"Why?" Is all Brittany manages to say.

"I didn't want to feel like shit. I just felt tired, stressed, lonely, sad and angry all the fucking time." She lets out a sob.

"Why didn't you come talk to me? We could've got you help?" Brittany says feeling hurt.

"Because I didn't want to worry or burden you-"

"Listen to me, you're never a burden. I want you to promise me you'll tell me when you feel like that." Brittany says cutting her off and raising her voice sightly. Brittany hesistates before asking her next question. "Do-Do you feel like that now?"

Santana pauses before simply nodding into her chest. Brittany kisses the top of her head.

"We're going to get you some help so you stop feeling like that okay?" Brittany says kissing her again.

Santana lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding before she slowly agrees. "Okay."

"When did it start?" Brittany asks cautiously playing with Santana's hair.

"2-3 months ago." Brittany lets out a shaky breath as a few more tears slide down. Santana lets her own tear slide out feeling guilty for putting Brittany through this. "You remember Jade from work?" Santana feels Brittany nod. "She has panic attacks from time to time and got prescribed xanax from her doctor. She saw me at the studio like freaking out and just feeling shitty. She offered me a pill. I took it, I asked her if she knew anyone who sold them so next time I was on the verge on breaking down I could take one. It just sort of spiralled from there." Brittany holds onto her tighter letting the brunette work through her emotions of reliving the experience.

"Thank you Santana for sharing that. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions now?" Dr Beed says sweetly. Santana just shrugs in response, still feeling a bit agitated and overwhelmed. "How much do you take a day?" He says in the nicest way possible.

"2 in the morning, 2 throughout the day, 2 before I sleep and then if I feel worse throughout the day I'll take another one." She says hesitantly. She's opening up way more than she should but is too physically and emotionally tired to care.

"Do you know how much was in each tablet?" He asks while jotting something down on his clipboard.

Santana nods. "Uh yeah. The um 1mg ones." She buries her head into Brittany's neck out of embarrassment. Brittany rubs her lower back to comfort her.

"Okay so we'll slowly decrease your dosage every two weeks. For this next week I want you to take 5mg a day, then the week after take 3.75mg, then 2.5mg for 2 weeks, then down to 1.25mg for a week, then 0.5mg and then finally 0.25mg before you can get back to living without it." He explains. Brittany's upset that she will have to continue abusing the drug but understands it will help her get better.

Santana looks up at Brittany and starts fiddling with her fingers. "Do you think you could maybe keep them for me?" Santana asks nervously.

"Of course baby." Brittany kisses Santana softly on the lips before she puts her head back down on the blondes chest.

"So when can I go home?" Santana asks Dr Beed.

"Not for a few days. You're body still needs a little bit of time to recover." He says half-truthfully.

"Can I not recover at home?" She asks slighty frustrated.

"It's not just that. We haven't started to taper you off yet and you're on a extremely lose dose right now, hence the shaking." He points towards her shaking a little in Brittany's arms. "But it isn't just your physical health that gets affected, it's mental too." He glanced down at her arm covered with burns and scars.

Santana follows his line of sight and lets out a sob, realising Brittany's seen them. She tries to pull away from Brittany and push her off at the same time but the dancer holds on tighter to her.

"I think that's all for today." The doctor stands up swiftly and leaves the room.

"Breathe San." Brittany whispers in her ear. She mumbles how much she loved the brunette, waiting for her to calm down. AFter she feels the sobbing subside she says, "Go to sleep, I know you're tired. We can talk more after." Brittany kisses her head and goes to leave the bed but Santana catches her wrist.

"You're tired too. Stay with me. Please?" She says silently crying. Brittany climbs back into bed with Santana and just as she can feel Santana fall asleep she hears her voice whisper "I love you too."

**Bit of a short, boring chapter sorry. It's just setting up for the next step of their lives. Also I apologise that my facts on stuff may not be accurate, so sorry. Anyways, comment and enjoy yourselves!**


	9. Chapter 9- Home

**Friday 7pm**

The food had been prepped ready for everyone to arrive. New Directions nights are always crowded because everyone brings their children as well. It's always a lot of stress for the people/person hosting as they have to make enough food, drink and because people fly between L.A. and N.Y. (depends on who is hosting) they have to make sure there is room for people to stay. Santana and Brittany cleaned up the guest bedroom in the basement ready for Sam, Mercedes and their little girl Sienna to stay in. These nights are casual so no one dresses up.

Santana and Britany had both gotten ready and Santana was getting Isaac into his pajamas. All the children wear pajamas and play together but always end up falling asleep around the house.

Just as he puts his pajamas on ready the doorbell rings. Jet jumps into Santana's arms and they head down the stairs, Brittany had taken Ava down before as they were already ready. Brittany opens the door and the Lopez-Pierce's are greeted with the Anderson-Hummels. Standing before them are Kurt, Blaine, Alfredo, Devon and Tracey. The kids immediately run inside the house and disappear to go play. The four adults all share a laugh at their kids energeticness.

"Well come in!" Santana chuckles. The four exchange hugs and cheek kisses.

"You're awfully chipper today!" Kurt laughs as they all walk through the house to the kitchen. Blaine leans against the fridge whilst Kurt leans on the island. Brittany sits on the stool and Santana is stood by the sink. Kurt looks over to Brittany to question her good mood.

"Yeah you are considering you weren't feeling well 2 hours ago." Brittany responds with a slightly harsh tone.

"I told you. I took something and now I'm fine." Santana says whilst pouring two glasses of wine to Blaine and Kurt.

"Must be the drugs." Blaine jokes to which Kurt laughs along with him. Santana tenses up and it does not go unoticed by Brittany.

"Well now that we're done questioning Santana lets party." Santana replies in a bitter tone but only Brittany realises it's not her usual snarky tone.

••••••••••

Everyone arrived within the next hour as they had gone to their temporary homes for the next few days to freshen up. Artie, Sugar and their daughter, Cora, are staying with Rachel and Finn, Puck is staying with Quinn and even though him and Kitty are together she's staying with Tina and Mike. Quinn already hates the fact her ex-husband is staying with her but she understands he needs to see his kids. With that being said she makes his girlfriend stay with someone else because that's a step too far.

All the adults were in the living area at the front of the house talking, laughing, eating and drinking. Tina, Mike and Rachel don't really drink so they offer to keep main watch on the kids. Especially the younger ones. The kids always split off into different groups. Alfredo, Isaac, Cameron Puckerman and Blake Chang always go to together because they're all 4 with the exception of Alfredo, he's 5. Devon, Charles (Charlie) Chang and Flynn St James play together all of which are 3 years old. Ava and Tracey play together because they're the only girls and "boys are disgusting". There is a 2 year age gap between them but they don't care; Tracey isn't as much of a baby as her twin brother. Rachel looks after her little 1 year old, Raine, Tina and Mike watch Sienna, also 1, and Cora who is 2.

Santana hadn't been drinking that much which of course raised Brittany's suspicion of the latina. Brittany had asked her multiple questions about it to which she replied she wanted to watch the kids to help Rachel Berry out, again making Brittany even more suspicious. Santana has had enough of the questioning so she goes onto the front porch to get some air.

"Well with Santana leaving, RUDELY I MIGHT ADD!" Rachel shouts the last part so Santana can hear her. "No one will physcially hurt my throat if I sing another song. Blaine. Piano." Rachel demands. Rachel starts singing Hello by Adele to which everyone rolls their eyes.

"Is she okay?" Quinn leans over and whispers to Brittany. Brittany doesn't look at Quinn she just shakes her head and throws back the rest of her drink. Quinn raises her eyebrows in a sort of _tea-has-been-spilt _way. The hazel-eyed girl places her hand on Brittanys leg. "Do you want to talk about it?" Brittany nods and gets up nodding for Quinn to follow her. They head into the home office. As soon as the door closes Brittany just starts crying. Quinn pulls Brittany into an embrace running her hand up and down her back.

"I don't know what to do anymore." Brittany sobs whilst frantically wiping her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Quinn questions, brushing away the few remaining tears.

"I don't live with Santana anymore. She's different. She pushes me away, she's spacey all the time, she doesn't sleep, she's lost weight and her appetite, she doesn't sing anymore, she insists she's fine, she lies to me-" Brittany lists off now just crying silently.

"Lies to you?" Quinn furrows her brows. The taller blonde nods at her. "How?"

"Before everyone got here she was shaking and sweating. She was scorching hot. She said she was fine and went to get some tylenol from our bathroom. But we don't keep it in there, it's always in our bedside cabinet. As soon as she stepped out of the bathroom she was fine. It was so weird." Brittany shakes her head in confusion and frustration. "And I mean she's not even drinking tonight."

"She is. She's been drinking red all night?"

"The same glass. She says it's because she wants to help out Tina, Mike and Rachel, but we both know that's not true." Brittany sighs and Quinn slowly after. "I got her to agree to see someone about her insomnia maybe they can figure out if something else is wrong."

Quinn gives Brittany weak encouraging smile. Brittany wipes her eyes again to hide the signs of her crying.

"Britt, she just might not be ready to talk about it yet. Give her her time and don't push her to tell you anything." Quinn rubs Brittany's arm.

"We better get back in there." Brittany leaves the office and goes back to the lounge. Quinn sighs and can't help but think about the new information she just learned.

••••••••••

Santana is sitting on the porch step smoking a cigarette trying to calm herself. Her regular fix of xanax wasn't having the desired affect anymore, but she doesn't want to up her dosage as it will cost her more money. She already has a hard time hiding the money she spends on drugs and Brittany's getting suspicious.

"You're an idiot." Santana turns her head around to see where the voice came from.

"Puck, go somewhere else if you're going to be a dick." Santana responds harshly, taking another drag of her cigarette.

"Easy girl." He jokes. "I'm just trying to help you not get in trouble with your wife. You know she hates it when you smoke."

"Then we'll just have to keep this between us then won't we?" She asks with a slightly threatening tone. She continues to stare out into the street having another puff.

"Why can't you see I'm just trying to help you out?" He says sadly.

"I see it. I just don't need it." She stamps her cigarette out on her arm. Puck immeidtaely reaches his arms out to her and throws the cigarette away from her.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He shouts with his voice full of concern. Santana pushes him off her when something falls out of his jacket. His eyes go widen. "I-I can explain that."

"Is that E?" She asks. Santana would sometimes take ecstasy in her party days but hasn't used it since.

"You can't tell anyone please!" He begs.

"I won't." Pucks face softens. "If you give me two." He debates his options before placing two little white and red pills with the mario logo on into her hands. "Let me guess, Mario your dealer?" She chuckles Puck just nods, confused as to how she knows Mario. Him and Santana are no strangers to drugs but Mario has only recently come into business.

She takes both of them before giving Puck a devilish smirk and going back inside, Puck closely behind sighing, "What have I done?"

••••••••••

Santana walks back into the house and greeted by the sound of Rachel Berry belting out the words to another song. Rachel finishes singing the song with a lengthy note and opens her eyes. She looks at Santana expecting to be physcially harmed but Santana decides to play it nice, considering she's going to feel a lot better within the next half an hour.

"What? Don't stop on my account." She says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Everyone stares at her dumbfoundedly. "Encore!" She cheers gleefully, to which Brittany eyes her suspiciously.

Rachel's face turns back the rightway up as she excitedly prepares to sing another song. Puck re-enters the house and goes to where Kitty is sitting and kisses her on the cheek, Quinn rolling her eyes in the process.

"Mind if I sit?" Santana says shyly to Brittany.

Brittany debates saying a whitty comeback but instead decides against it knowing it will push the latina further away. "Sure." The blonde gives her a wife a small smile and patting the space next to her. Santana mutters a thanks and sits in the seat offered to her.

••••••••••

It's been 30 minutes of everyone taking turns to sing songs and others performing old numbers they did back in glee club. Santana didn't participate, she hasn't felt like singing much lately. However, Brittany decides to take Quinn's advice and not question her about it.

Santana is sat on the couch listening to Sam sing his glee club audition song: Billionare. As Santana is listening she starts to really feel the music. It's reaching her in a different way like she can actually _feel _ the music. 'This is awesome' She thinks and starts laughing to herself.

Sam stops playing his guitar when he hears Santana laughing. Everyone glances over to her, watching her just laugh to herself. Puck realises her high must have kicked in and can't help but feel guilty. He runs his hand through his hair and sighs.

Santana realises that the funny feeling music has stopped. She looks around and everything seems much brighter. "What?" She slurs.

"Baby why are you laughing?" Brittany giggles. Everyone found Santana giggling to herself quite funny, except Puck.

"It feels funny." She sighs happily whilst cuddling up into Brittany's side. Everyone is still laughing this time with a look of confusion. Brittany just looks up at everyone and shrugs then motions for Sam to continue; he does. Brittany wraps her arm around her wife, all tension between them being forgotten, and kisses her wife's head.

The feel of Brittany's soft lips being pressed to the latina's head triggers something in the latina's body. It felt so good. She craves more. With that being said, she grabs Brittany's face and pulls her into a deep kiss. Her whole body bursting with feelings and emotion. It all feels so different and amazing. As Santana finally pulls away she starts drawing patterns on Brittany's face causing the blonde to laugh.

"What are you doing?" Brittany chuckles, smiling from ear to ear.

"Feels nice." Santana murmurs just loud enough to be heard, continuing to feel all over Brittany's face.

"You're being weird." Brittany laughs kissing Santana's nose causing her to laugh.

Over on the other side of the room, Quinn has been watching the whole interaction between the two. 'Santana is being strange, really strange.' She thinks. She gives a quick look over the room to see if anyone else witnessed the exchange and noticed Puck staring at them hardly with a guilt ridden face. 'Somethings going on' She frowns. 'And I will find out.'

**Oof, this is a long chapter, I plan to right more around this length. I'm spliting New Direction's night into two chapters because it's going to be too long otherwise. Do you guys prefer shorter or longer chapters? Anyways hope you enjoyed, comment your opinion. Have a good day!**


	10. Chapter 10- Not Okay

**Sunday 10am (March 22nd 2020)**

Brittany had carried Santana up to bed last night around 10pm. Santana had woken up throughout the night in pain and Brittany had woken up with her, so they were both exhausted this morning. They slept in for a few hours but were woken up by their kids shouting.

"NO JET!" Brittany hears Ava shout. She lets out a groan knowing that Jet's done something to annoy Ava again.

Brittany rolls out of bed and grabs her robe, tying it around herself and yawning in the process. Santana stirs awake and rubs her eyes open. She pulls herself to sit against the headboard, groaning because her arms feel like jelly.

"Is it the kids?" Santana yawns. Brittany turns around to her wife and walks over to the bed, leaning down and kissing her softly on the lips.

"Yeah Isaac's acting up again." Brittany sighs.

"We need to speak to him about his behaviour." Santana tries to sit up more and hisses.

"Yeah we do." Brittany kisses Santana's lips again. "Take some aspirin baby." Santana nods and pulls Brittany back down to kiss her lips.

Santana opens the nightstand and finds the aspirin. She takes some with the glass of water next to her while Brittany makes her way to the kids in Ava's room. Santana watches Brittany leave before turning her attention to the ceiling and thinking about how worthless she truly is.

Brittany opens Ava's bedroom door to see Ava crying and Jet holding her soccer ball. Brittany looks around the room and sees that stuff has been thrown on the floor. Brittany turns her attention back to her kids and Isaac's face has gone bright red and Ava looks relieved.

"Mommy!" Ava cries and runs over to her mom hugging her.

"What's happened bunny?" Brittany kisses Ava on the head and Isaac turns his head away.

"Jet stole my soccer ball and kept kicking it around my room." Brittany looks at Isaac who is still looking away.

"Jet." He still ignores his mom. "Jet look at me." He finally turns his head to look at her. "Why did you do that?" She gestures to the mess and speaks in a calm voice.

"Because she won't play with me." He shouts and throws the ball across the room.

"Isaac Cole, you do not throw things." Brittany says in a firm voice. "You're going to clean Ava's room up and apologise."

"No!" He yells and runs out of the room.

Brittany sighs then looks to her daughter. "I'll sort him out, but you can go and watch cartoons downstairs if you want?" Ava's face lights up.

"Can I watch soccer videos?" She says happily.

"Sure bunny." Brittany smiles and kisses her head.

They both leave Ava's room, Ava goes downstairs and Brittany goes to Isaac's room. She knocks on the door and opens it. Isaac is laying face down on his bed curled up in a ball. Brittany sighs knowing that he's going to be difficult today. She climbs into bed with him and tries to turn him over to cuddle into her.

"No! Go away mommy!" Isaac says through tears. He turns back around and sobs. Brittany's feels hurt both because he told her to go away and that he's crying. She remembers why she's in here and turns him back around.

"What's wrong baby?" She says blowing on his face to help him breathe through his tears.

"I just want her to play with me." He sobs and curls into his mothers side.

"Listen, sometimes people might not want to play. You can't destroy or throw things when someone doesn't want to play." She explains.

"She never plays with me." He says quietly.

"Ask me or mamí to play with you then." Brittany kisses his red face.

"But mamí's sick and you have to be with her." Isaac says through another sob.

Brittany sighs. "That's true, so why don't we set up some play dates with Cameron, Blake and Alfredo?" Brittany suggests.

"Yeah." He nods as his tears subside.

"But you were still naughty. You need to say sorry to Ava and tidy up the mess you made."

"Okay." Isaac nods.

Little did they know Santana had left her room and was outside his room, listening to the conversation. 'I'm even a disapointment to my son' She thinks as tears escape her eyes. She could really use another fix.

She makes her way back to their bedroom as quickly as she can. When she's inside she closes the door and looks around the room to places where Brittany could've hidden her prescription. She rummages through all the drawers throwing clothes all over the place. As she continues to come up empty handed she gets more and more stressed and frustrated. She doesn't notice the rivers of tears flowing out of her eyes, or how much her hands are shaking, or how short and ragged her breaths have gotten. All she can focus on is the itching sensation she feels inside her. She scratches her arms trying to get rid of the feeling. No matter how hard she scratches, it doesn't disappear. It's like a tunnel heading towards the feeling of satisfaction, but as she reaches further down the tunnel, scratching and scratching, everything gets darker and darker until it goes black.

••••••••••

**1pm**

Brittany had watched Jet clean up Ava's room, then she took him downstairs to apologise to her. He asked her if they could play outside together and this time Ava agreed. They were in the backyard playing soccer while Brittany made everyone sandwiches in the kitchen. She placed the kids pb & j's on the table along with a snack and juice box, then headed upstairs to check on Santana.

She opened the door to their bedroom and saw that everything was thrown around. She got a flashblack from the night she found Santana and her worry increased dramatically. She ran into the room looking for Santana.

"Santana?" She said with tears. There was no answer. She turned around and burst open the door to find the singer sat on the floor with her knees bunched up to her chest, shaking and crying. "San?" She bends down to eye level.

Santana hears her name and turns her head to Brittany. "B-Britt?" She manages to say.

"Yeah it's me. I'm here." She brings her wife into her body and sits down on the bathroom floor. After the brunette calmed down Brittany asked her, "What happened baby?"

"I-I'm sorry. I needed something and I-I don't know what happened!" She cries.

"Shh, it's okay. I know that you'll have cravings but what pushed you to it?" Brittany says soothingly.

"Nothing pushed me to it. I'm constantly wanting it." Santana replies with anger.

"I know that. But we both know something pushed it." The blonde traces patterns on Santana's arms and feels bumps up and down them.

She looks down at Santana's arms and sees that they're literally red raw. Santana hisses at the contact and looks down to notice them. She's just as shocked as Brittany when she sees them. Brittany grabs a wash cloth from under the sink and soaks it in cold water before placing it on the shorter girls arms, causing Santana to wince.

"What the hell happened?" Brittany dabs the wash cloth along her arms.

Santana lets out a shaky breath. "I heard you and Isaac talking, and I realised how much I'm holding him back. So I came in here and then I just sorta blacked out." She says scared of herself.

Brittany lets a tear escape her eyes. "You're not holding him back." Brittany says firmly. They stay silent for a moment. "Wait you blacked out?" Santana nods and lets more tears escape her eyes. "It's fine it's okay. Just make sure you speak about it tomorrow." Brittany kisses the latina's arms. "I'm sorry I didn't come check on you sooner." Brittany cries.

She feels so guilty that she left her wife sat on the bathroom floor shaking and crying for two hours. Where as Santana feels ashamed that she let her wife partially in her head. She could never tell her the things she feels, especially the relief she felt everytime her arm would sting. Santana just wants to deal with her demons herself no matter how much they scare her.

However she has her first therapist appointment tomorrow, so she has to start practising her fake smiles, for her family, her friends but most importantly herself. Because if she looks happy then surely she'll start to feel it, right?

**Please let me know what you think, follow and vote. Have a jolly good day!**


	11. Chapter 11- Road To Recovery

**Quick A/N because I think I've been a bit inconsistent. Brittany and Santana work in the city but they don't live there. Ava is in kindergarten and Isaac does full day preschool. I have no idea how American schools work so my knowledge may be off. Apologies!**

**Monday 9am (23rd March 2020)**

Brittany woke up at the usual time to do the school runs. She let Santana sleep in because she had another restless night. Once she finished the school run she got two coffees and some breakfast from starbucks. Once she got home she immediately went to check on her wife who was sleeping peacefully.

She places her strawberry frappuccino with a shot of espresso, Santana's iced caffe americano and the two breakfast wraps on the dresser. She walks over to Santana and kisses her softly on the lips to wake her up. Santana stirred awake slightly.

"Wake up babe. I got you breakfast." Brittany kisses her lips again. Santana reacts by parting her mouth slightly. Brittany accepts her offer and moves her toungue until it meets with Santana's.

"My favourite way to wake up." Santana hums after parting from the kiss. Brittany smiles at her. "Even when I'm covered in sweat." Santana says ashamed.

"Babe, it doesn't matter. I've told you that." Brittany says reassuringly.

"I'm going to go shower." Santana says still embarrassed. Brittany sighs in response and changes the sheets on the bed knowing Santana gets upset if they're sweaty.

Santana emerges from the bathroom 15minutes later in a bathrobe and her hair in a towel. She sits on the edge of the bed, with the new sheets, next to Brittany. "What did you get?"

"I got our usuals and some breakfast wraps." Brittany gets the food and drink from the dresser and hands Santana her stuff.

"You got me coffee?" Santana says excitedly. Brittany nods. "Like actual coffee?" Brittany nods again. Santana takes a big sip of the coffee. When she finishes she kisses the coffee cup over and over making Brittany laugh. "Oh how I've missed you!" She says dramatically. She turns her attention back to Brittany. "I thought we were banning caffeine?"

"We still are. This is just a treat for you, I wanted to cheer you up a little bit." Brittany shrugs and takes a bite from her wrap.

"Thanks." Santana smiles.

They continue to eat and make small talk. Brittany finishes her food before Santana so whilst Santana's eating Brittany changes the bandages on Santana's arms. Santana gets changed and dries her hair. By the time they're finished it's 10am and they decide to head to the therapists office early.

They had been driving in the car silently for around 10minutes and Santanas leg had been bouncing the whole time. Brittany placed her hand on her leg to soothe her.

"I'm sorry, I'm just nervous." Santana says and reaches for Brittany's hand.

"Don't be sorry. It's normal to feel nervous." Brittany kisses their conjoined hands.

"I just don't want to tell some stranger about my life." Santana releases from Brittany and brushes her fingers through her hair.

"It can be good." Brittany states.

"What?" Santana furrows her eyebrows in confusion.

"Like it can be good because...because..." Brittany grips the steering wheel out of frustration, trying to find the right words.

"Calm down and think of the right words. You'll get there." Santana places her hand on Brittany's thigh and rubs it to calm her down.

Brittany takes a deep breath, "It's easier to tell a stranger sometimes than...than someone you know." Brittany looks at Santana, "Do you understand what I mean?" She asks pleadingly.

"Yeah I do baby." Santana smiles at Brittany. Brittany lets out a sigh of relief and smiles back feeling proud of herself. "Good job." Brittany smiles even more at Santana.

••••••••••

**10:45**

They'd been waiting inside the reception at the therapists office for about 10minutes. Santana's appointment was at 11am so they still had time to wait. A lady walked out of one of the offices looking proud and after a few minutes was followed by a tall woman with short brown hair wearing a blazer, a blouse and trousers.

"Santana Lopez?" She says. Santana merely nods at her. "Hi, I'm Dr Gish, do you want to come through?" Santana hesistantly stands up.

"It'll be fine. I love you." Brittany says to her.

"I love you too." Santana replies then walks with Dr Gish into the room she just came out of.

"Make yourself comfortable Santana." Dr Gish smiles and gestures towards the gray couch.

Santana sits down on the very edge of the couch and Dr Gish sits across from her in a matching arm chair. Dr Gish notices the other girls discomfort and decides to speak up.

"Would it make you feel more relaxed if you're girlfriend?" Santana shakes her head and says 'Wife.' Dr Gish corrects herself. "If you're wife came into the session?" She asks.

"Sorry I'm just nervous because I don't really know how this" She gestures around the room "works. But I think it's something I should do on my own."

Dr Gish nods. "Your wife is more than welcome to join any future sessions." Dr Gish smiles. "As for how this works, it's just a safe space for you to talk about whatevers on your mind."

Santana nods in understanding. "I don't think." She pauses. "I don't think I'm ready for the whole share-your-whole-life-story thing. There's some things I'd like to keep private."

"That's fine. You just tell me whatever you want to. If there's more, you can tell me when you're ready or not tell me at all." Santana nods and smile. "I'm sensing you're still a bit nervous so I'll introduce myself properly. I'm Annabeth Gish, I'm 48 and I've been married for 26 years."

Santana smiles. "I'm Santana Lopez-Pierce, I'm 25 and I've been married for 5 years." Santana feels more relaxed thinking about Brittany.

"How did you meet your wife?"

"In 2nd grade. She was new to the school and no one had spoken to her. I thought how can such a pretty girl be alone and I was drawn to her but I had no idea why, hint: it's because I am a lesbian." Santana says sarcastically to which Annabeth chuckles. "We became best friends instantly."

"How did you end up getting together?" Dr Gish quieries.

Sanana sucks in a deep breath. "That's a long story." Dr Gish nods to go on so she does. "It was the summer before freshmen year. We realised that we needed boyfriends to be popular and decided to practise kissing with eachother. We would kiss eachother and then sleep around with boys until we started hooking up during freshmen year." Santana again takes a deep breath. "I was kind of a bitch in high school."

"Why was that?"

"Because I was so angry at everybody, at the world but mainly at myself. I had all of these feelings inside that I was told were wrong and I just battled with myself everyday. So I told Brittany that there wasn't an us and how it was just for fun, when it wasn't. She was the only thing that kept me happy through a lot of my life." Santana let a tear roll down her cheek. "She meant so much to me but I always told her it was meaningless." Santana wiped the other tears that fell out of her eyes. "It was junior year when I told her how I felt."

"Why did you decide then?"

Santana sighs. She explains about how she partnered up with Mercedes for the duet competition and about how Brittany and Artie started dating. She tells her about when she confessed her love up until Brittany and Artie broke up.

Dr Gish nods along listening to Santana's story.

"We were still unofficially seeing eachother over summer up until senior year. I was finally ready to talk about feelings. So we went out to dinner on a date and decided to date officially but just not out in the open." Santana takes a shaky breath and tears fall out as she relives the next part. She talks about Finn outing her and the commercial. She sobs again wiping tears from her eyes.

Annabeth offers her a tissue which she accepts and dries her eyes.

"My glee club teacher decides to make the week's glee lesson 'Lady Music Week'." Santana scoffs. "I did not like it. The guy who outed me tried to force me to accept myself. That's not something you can just do, hell I'm still trying to accept myself today." A few more tears welled up. "But I knew I had to tell my parents before they saw the commercial so I did. They were actually really accepting. My papi didn't really understand it at first but he's always accepted me. But then I needed to tell my abuela and it didn't go as nicely. She uh, kicked me out and we didn't speak for three years until my wife, Brittany, went after her." Santana laughs at the memory. "Coach Sue actually got her to come to our wedding." Santana just sighs and wipes her eyes. "That's basically it." She dryly chuckles.

"Do you mind if I ask you some follow up questions?" Dr Gish asks politely. Santana shakes her head. "You said about how you were always mad at yourself and Brittany was the only thing that made you happy, is that still the case?"

Santana sighs and a tear falls again. "Yeah. Brittany and our kids are the only thing that make me feel happy." She subconciously plays with the wrists of the long-sleeved shirt she's wearing, to which Dr Gish takes note.

"Is that also in connection to you still not accepting yourself?" Santana nods in response. "What about your abuela now, are you talking?"

"We were." More tears fall. "A couple weeks ago, I saw her and one of her friends saw my kids and said that 'I had stopped my dyke ways and straightened out' and my abuela just agreed with her. She even called Brittany Brian." She laughs.

"What did you do after that?"

"I uh- um.." Santana stutters. "I uh... took xanax." Santana avoids eye contact and shifts around nervously.

"Santana it's okay. I know you're battling addiction. It was written down in your notes from when you were in the hospital." Annabeth says reassuringly.

"You know about that?" Santana tries to hold the tears back.

"Yes I do." The therapist rubs her hands together. "Do you mind if we talk about that?"

"Could we not talk about the addiction itself please?" Santana says quietly.

"Of course. I'll ask you some questions and you can answer however you want." Santana smiled at the therapist.

"I understand you're being tapered off at the minute." Santana nods. "What dose are you currently on?"

"Just started 3.75."

"How are you feeling with that?"

"I wake up covered in sweat, I'm tired and achey all the time, I get headaches and I don't sleep very well." Santana again plays with her sleeve.

"What about emotionally?" She says looking at Santana's playing with her top.

"Emotionally drained. I don't even know what I feel." Santana says honestly.

"Do you think it could be feelings of emptiness, hopelessness or just feeling nothing?"

"All of those." Santana mumbles looking down.

"I think it's clear that you're going through a state of depression, whether it's because of withdrawal or just because of your feelings towards yourself. I think that to get you through this you need to work on expressing your feelings and self-acceptance." Annabeth explains. "The session time is over but if you'd like we can schedule more appointments so we can work through your depression?"

"I'd like that." Santana says warmly.

"Next time maybe we can discuss why you keep fiddling with your sleeves too?" Annabeth says knowingly.

"Yeah." Santana is suprising herself with how calm and complying she's being. "Thank you."

"That's alright." Annabeth smiles.

They exit her office and head towards Brittany who immediately stands up engulfing her wife into a hug. Santana starts crying into Brittany's neck and when Brittany feels it she hugs her tighter. When Santana is just silently crying she pulls away.

"Can we go schedule some more appointments?" She wipes a few stray tears away.

"Of course baby." Brittany kisses her on the head. "We're going to beat this thing." She says before walking over to the front desk.

For once, Santana feels some sort of hope that everything will be okay, even without the drugs. There's actually people that believe in her, and like Dr Gish said, if she believes herself she might be able to make it through this.

**Sorry the therapy scene is longer than I thought it would be. Anyway hope you enjoyed!**


	12. Chapter 12- Parental Support

**Again I've been inconsistent with their work hours and stuff but they live in Scarsdale. This is kind of a long one.**

**Saturday 1pm (28th March 2020)**

Santana had worked out a schedule with Dr Gish so that she would go to therapy twice a week: on Mondays and Saturdays. Brittany had dropped Santana off at therapy and taken the kids with her over to Kurt and Blaines apartment for a joint playdate with the girls (and Kurt) living in New York.

Jesse, Mike and Blaine had gone to watch a boxing match and Kurt, Brittany, Quinn, Rachel and Tina were in the living room. Ava and Tracey Anderson-Hummel were playing with Brittany and Quinn's hair. Devon Anderson-Hummel, Charlie Chang and Flynn St James were playing with cars on the floor. Alfredo Anderson-Hummel, Isaac, Cameron Puckerman and Blake Chang were in Alfredo's room playing minecraft. Kurt had Raine St James sitting in his lap. They had also facetimed Mercedes off of a macbook so she could join in their gossiping.

"Where's Beth today Quinn?" Tina asks while sipping on her coffee.

"She's at her friend's birthday party." Quinn replies with a hint of worry.

"What's wrong?" Rachel says noticing Quinn's uncertainty.

Quinn sighs. "It's her first time staying over at a friends house and I'm just worried I guess."

"Quinn, she'll be fine and you know the parents. They're nice people." Rachel reassures Quinn.

"Yeah you're right. Thanks." Quinn smiles to which Rachel smiles back.

"Mommy?" Ava says as she straddles Brittany's lap.

"Yeah bunny?" Brittany holds her daughters hands swinging them around a little bit.

"Can I do mamí's hair when we get home?" She asks through a giggle, laughing at her mother.

"You'll have to ask her when we get home." Brittany kisses her on the cheek.

"Okay." Ava huffs and gets off her mom before returning to playing with her hair.

"Speaking of which, where is your girl?" Mercedes asks.

"At therapy." Brittany states simply as it's the most normal thing in the world. (Therapy is normal but for Santana it's not.)

All the adults go wide eyed except for Quinn who looks at Brittany. They have silent conversation with their eyes which does not go unnoticed by everyone else.

"Have I been sent to another universe?" Kurt asks dramatically. "Did you just say Santana Lopez is going to therapy?"

"Yeah." Brittany replies bluntly. Everyone turns their heads to Quinn for a response.

"You know something." Rachel narrows her eyes at Quinn. Quinn replies by nodding. "Has she finally spoke to someone about her uncontrolled rage?" Rachel jokes to which Mercedes, Tina and Kurt laugh along to.

Quinn looks over to Brittany to see that she's about to blow up so she quickly thinks of what she can do. "Hey kids, why don't you head to your rooms? Bring your toys with you." All the children get their toys and head to their rooms not sensing anything wrong.

"No Rachel she hasn't." Brittany says angrily getting shocked reactions from everyone. Rachel feels guilty and sinks into the couch slightly. "You all want to know why she's at therapy?" Everyone stays silent. "She's depressed and is actually getting help she needs this time." Brittany emphasises the last words.

"Brittany I'm sorry." Tina walks over to Brittany hugging her.

"Me too babe." Mercedes says sadly.

"So are we." Kurt and Rachel say ashamed of their actions. Everyone stays silent again until Rachel speaks up. "Britt you can talk to us."

Brittany takes a deep breath, calming her down. "We agreed we would explain to everyone about what happened on New Directions Night the next time we had one. But I guess I'll tell you now." Brittany takes another shaky breath. "She's been feeling depressed for a while."

"How long?" Tina asks politely.

"Since high school." Everyone breathes deeply, feeling bad they didn't notice.

"Britt we're sorry we never noticed. We just thought she was a bitch." Kurt says in the nicest way possible.

Brittany laughs slightly. "It's okay, everyone did. She always told me that it was my opinion that mattered most to her so she didn't care as much." She starts playing with her hands. "But um- a few months ago um-." Quinn reached her hand over to Brittanys and squeezed it. "She um- started taking anti-depressants." Brittany starts silently crying.

Tina, Kurt and Rachel looked at eachother puzzled. They looked at the macbook, which was placed so Mercedes could see everyone, and saw Mercedes with the same expression. They all thought that anti-depressants were supposed to help people with depression.

"Brittany isn't that a good thing?" Kurt says confused.

"No it's not because...because..." Brittany tried to form the words but she couldn't. Her tears increased as she struggled to explain what she meant. She was getting more and more frustrated but luckily Quinn knew about her condition so she knew how to help out.

"Focus on the words and take a deep breath." Brittany followed Quinns words ignoring the baffled looks from everyone.

"They weren't prescribed to her." Britt manages to say. She hoped everyone knew what she was getting at. She looked at everyones faces looking for the face that put two and two together. It was Tina's.

"Addiction?" Tina says with tears in her eyes. Brittany just nodded and looked over to Quinn. Quinn got the message and explained everything that had happened. She spoke about New Directions night and when they found her unconcious. "So she's still on them?" Tina continued.

"Yeah she has 4-5 weeks left." Quinn says. Tina nodded in response.

"Britt we're here for both of you. If either of you need any help just call us." Kurt says sincerely.

"Thanks guys." Brittany sniffs and wipes her eyes.

"Britt what happened in high school?" Rachel says bluntly causing everyone to jump.

"Rachel..." Mercedes sighs. "Stop with the questions for one minute. Have you not been listening to anything Britt's told you?"

"No it's okay Mercedes." Brittany sniffs again. "She hated herself in high school. She thought she was strange, ugly and fat."

"What are you talking about? Santana is one of the prettiest and skinniest girls I know!" Rachel scoffs.

"That's what I told her too but she didn't believe me. She thought she was strange because she was a lesbian so she hated herself for that." Brittany takes a shaky breath. "Then all the guys would call her a slut, and they would tell her that she's worthless and more horrible stuff. She started believing them and would let them use her, and she would tell me she deserved it."

"That's ridiculous." Kurt says sadly.

"I know. But then it got worse." Brittany starts crying heavier. "She was sick of everyone calling her fat so she started exercising more. She'd wake up early to go on jogs, do extra laps in cheerleading practise-"

"She purposely acted out so her father would take her car away so she had to walk places, she'd go the the gym after practise." Quinn continued.

"Then she would stop eating snacks, then dessert. She stopped eating junk food, she would just eat salad until she stopped eating breakfast and lunch as well."

"She would drink that god awful master cleanse all the time." Quinn grimaces at the memory. "She wouldn't eat dinner anymore and then she even stopped drinking the master cleanse."

Brittany sobs at the memory. Everyone else had tears in their eyes.

"That explains so much." Kurt says letting a tear drop.

"I mean the thought crossed my mind but I didn't think Santana would do that." Rachel wipes the tears coming out of her eyes.

"That's what her mom said when I told her." Brittany stares up at the ceiling trying to hold the tears in. "She um- got her the help she needed at the end of junior year into summer and she was doing really well until-"

"Until booty camp." Mercedes cuts in. Brittany merely nods.

"Wait what happened in booty camp?" Rachel asks.

"I felt sick in booty camp because my eating schedule was off. I asked Mr Schue when we're supposed to eat and Santana said 'when the rest of us do' and I said to her 'like you eat'." Mercedes feels so ashamed with herself.

"She came home crying that day." Brittany says bluntly.

"Britt I'm sorry."

"It's fine can we just stop talking about this?" Brittany asks. Everyone just nods not wanting to upset Brittany any further. "Well I need to go pick San up. I'll see you whenever."

Brittany gets Ava and Isaac and says bye to everyone before heading to Dr Gish's office.

"That was a lot." Mercedes sighs.

"How did we not see this?" Kurt leans his head on his hands.

"Because none of you bothered to get to know Santana." Quinn replies bitterly. "She actually a really nice person."

"But she was always so mean to us." Tina adds.

"Yeah she was. But she tried to change. She planned to come into the choir room and be nice to everyone but she heard you all bitching about her." Quinn shrugs. "I know she was horrible to you all but she wanted to change."

"We never gave her a chance in high school." Tina mumbles and everyone agreed.

Kurt turns to Quinn. "Do you think we could check up on her?"

"It's Isaacs birthday tomorrow so maybe at the party?" Quinn suggests. "But please don't bring any of this up unless she does. She's in a bad place at the minute."

Everyone nods and quietly sips their coffee.

"What about Brittany? What happened back there?" Rachel asks again being nosey.

"Rachel don't ever ask me about that again. She can tell you that when she's ready." Quinn says to stop anymore questions being asked.

••••••••••

**2:45pm**

Brittany helped the kids out of the car before walking into the office to pick Santana up. They waited a few minutes until Santana came out one of the rooms with red eyes and tear tracks down her face. She saw Brittany and ran over to her pulling her into a tight hug. Brittany kissed the side of her head.

"Everything okay?" Brittany whispers, rubbing her lower back.

Santana shook her head against Brittany. "Later?" She sniffs and wipes her eyes.

"I need to speak you to as well." Brittany kisses Santana on the lips softly.

Santana nods and walks over to Ava and Isaac and kissing them on the cheek. She picks up Isaac, cuddles him and takes him back to the car followed shortly by Brittany and Ava.

••••••••••

**11:00pm**

Brittany was in bed on her macbook checking emails and social media with Santana cuddled into her side watching her. Brittany groans at somethings she's reading.

"What's up?" Santana mumbles looking at the laptop.

"My fans are upset that I haven't uploaded anything for weeks." She sighs rubbing her eyes.

"Sorry." Santana says and turns over.

"No baby, it's not your fault." Brittany turns the sighing latina over so she's facing her again. She kisses her on the lips and can feel her wife smiling against her lips.

"What did you want to talk about?" Santana says resting her head on Brittany's arm.

"You first. Tell me about today." Brittany closes her macbook, placing it on the night stand and turns around so her and Santana are lying down facing eachother.

"Well..." Santana takes a deep breath. "I told her about what happened the other day." She looks down to her forearms. "She said that I'm not crazy and it was normal, something along the lines of a panic attack but it wasn't?" She sighs. "I don't know, something like that."

Brittany nods and kisses her wife's nose making her chuckle. "Did you talk about anything else?"

"Yeah we um- we talked about my anorexia." Santana cuddles into Brittany, placing her head in the crook of her neck and throwing an arm over her torso.

"Did it go okay?" Brittany moves her arm to hold the brunette around the waist.

"Yeah, it was hard. She said that it's something that I need to properly come to terms with so I can love myself." Santana sighs.

"I'm happy you're doing this." She kisses Santana's head. "Getting help, talking to me about stuff. We need to work on our communcation and tell eachother when stuff bothers us."

"Yeah we do. We're getting there." Santana mumbles and kisses Brittany's collar bone. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I know we said that we'd tell them together but everyone was asking why you were at therapy, so I told them."

"It doesn't matter. I don't think I would've been able to tell them anyway." She says whilst playing with the bottom of Brittany's top.

"I told them about your eating disorder too. I'm sorry, high school came up and then Rachel was asking loads of questions an-" Brittany rambles but Santana shuts her up with a kiss.

"It's okay. Dr Gish said I needed to accept it and move on so maybe telling people is a step forward?" Santana shrugs.

"Yeah, it is. But don't feel pressured to do anything." Brittany iterates. Santana just nods into Brittany's neck. "There is one more thing we should speak about though..."

"Hmm?" Santana murmurs.

"When are you telling your parents?" Brittany asks hesitantly.

"I can't. They'll be so mad." Santana shakes her head.

"No, they'll be mad that they weren't there to help their daughter." Brittany corrects her.

"They'll be here tomorrow for Isaac's birthday." Santana looks up at Brittany. "Could you maybe be with me when I tell them?"

"Of course I will." Brittany smiles and touches noses with Santana.

"You're a dork." Santana smiles.

"Your dork." Brittany smiles back, happy that she can feel her wife slowly coming back. She peppers kisses all over Santana's face causing her to giggle.

"Britt!" Santana whines playfully.

Brittany leaves one last kiss on her lips. "Get some sleep baby."

"I love you." Santana whispers.

"I love you too." Brittany closed her eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep.

••••••••••

**4:00am**

Brittany rolls over in her sleep and feels the space next to her empty. She slowly opens her eyes to find that Santana's not in bed next to her. She sighs and gets out of bed to find her wife. She finds her in the kitchen scrubbing the counters. Brittany walks up behind her and wraps her arms around her.

"Come to bed." Brittany whispers but Santana keeps scrubbing.

"I can't sleep and I need to clean the house ready for Isaac's birthday party." She shakes her head.

"How long have you been up?" Brittany questions trying to stop her cleaning.

"A few hours but it's fine, I'm not tired." She shrugs.

Brittany turns Santana around. "Baby, I can see it in your eyes. You're exhausted, come on." She holds out her hand. Santana sighs, grabs her hand and they both head up to bed.

They lay down and Brittany spoons her wife, humming softly in her ear to get her to sleep. After a few minutes it works so she lets her own tiredness take over.

••••••••••

**Sunday 7:00am (29th March 2020/ Isaac's 5th Birthday)**

Brittany's alarm goes off waking her up. She detaches herself from Santana and turns off the alarm, groaning in the process. Santana feels the loss of warmth and turns over to see Brittany get out of bed.

"Stay in bed love." Brittany kisses Santana on the head. Santana just nods. "You okay?" Brittany asks her.

"Yeah." She replies unconvincingly.

"Stay in bed and try to get some more sleep. You only got a few hours last night." She kisses her again and heads towards the door. She looks back to see that Santana hasn't moved an inch and is staring blankly at the wall. Brittany sighs and heads to make breakfast.

••••••••••

**2:00pm**

The party was in full swing with the gang, the Pierce's, the Lopez's and Isaac's friends from school all here. It was a sunny day so Sam, Mike and Antonio Lopez worked the grill outside whilst Brittany, Whitney Pierce and Maribel Lopez helped prepare stuff inside. Everyone else was having fun in the backyard, except for Santana, she was laying down on the couch.

Maribel look over at her daughter on the couch with worry and concern. She looked over to Brittany and she was doing the exact same thing.

"What's going on?" Maribel asks Brittany with her bottom lip trembling. "Is she okay?"

Before Brittany can respond Santana does. She was now standing in front of them with tears in her eyes. "No, I need my mamí." She breaks down crying in her mothers arms.

"Esta bien, mi hija." Maribel hugs her daughter tighter letting her know it'll be okay.

Brittany nods over to her mom to follow her out of the room to give the mother and daughter space.

At this moment Antonio walks in with his grilling apron on and a huge smile plastered on his face. "The burgers are ready..." His voice trails off along with his smile. "What's happened?" He rushes over to his wife and daughter, hugging both of them.

Santana pulls away from the group hug after a few minutes and wipes her eyes. It doesn't do much as fresh tears replace them. "I need to tell you guys something. And I'm so sorry, please don't be mad." She pleads.

"Santana cariño, we love you no matter what." Maribel says with her own tears.

"I'm an..." She lets out a shaky breath. "I'm..." She can't get the words out. Brittany chooses this moment to walk in and takes in what's happening.

"Have you told them yet?" Brittany asks. Santana shakes her head and leans into Brittany's side.

"Tell us what? Santana, what happened?" Antonio asks shakily.

"I'm um, I'm trying to get clean." She mumbles incoherently. Brittany squeezes her arm gently.

"Clean?" Antonio asks slowly. Santana just nods her head with tears pricking her eyes.

"You're on drugs?" Maribel says angrily and throws her arms in the air.

"I'm sorry mamí." Santana sobs. Antonio sighs and walks over to his daughter pulling her into a hug.

"Esta bien, mija." She falls into his embrace repeating 'I'm sorry' over and over again. Maribel's anger fades when she sees how broken her daughter really is.

"Santana you're a mother." She says sadly, walking over and joining in on the hug.

"I know, I fucked up." She cries hardly.

"Why?" Maribel whispers to her daughter.

They all pull away from the hug but still keep a hold of eachother in some way. Santana goes on to explain about her feelings to when Brittany found her, to where she's at now with the help of Brittany.

"Why didn't you call us when you were in the hospital?" Antonio asks, slightly hurt his daughter didn't tell him.

"I thought you'd be disappointed in me." Santana shrugs.

"Never Santana. We'll love you no matter what." Maribel kisses her daughters head.

"I love you guys too." Santana lets her final tear drop.

"Thank you Brittany." Maribel says. Brittany nods, unsure of why she's being thanked. "We're going to stay here with you and help you get better."

"You don't need to do that." Santana shakes her head.

"Yes we do. We want to be there for you." Antonio states sincerely.

"Well Santanita. You have a little boy out there who's just turned five." Maribel lightens the mood. "Let's go outside."

The four of them walk outside to the rest of the party. However there's still one more person left inside. Whitney peers her head around the wall and loudly whispers.

"Psst!" She cups her mouth. "Can I come out now?"

••••••••••

**4:00pm**

Everyone enjoyed the food, then sang happy birthday and opened Isaac's presents. He got lots of space themed stuff but off his Abuelo and Abuela he got a skateboard because he had wanted to try one. Brittany and Santana got him a telescope to look at the stars.

Santana was having an off day so she had been fairly quiet and tried to get as much time to herself as possible.

Brittany and the girls plus Kurt were all chatting. She looks to her wife next to her and sees she's deep in thought. She taps her shoulder and when she has her attention she leans in to whisper.

"Ryder and Unique are on their way with Jake, Marley and a suprise."

"It's a child." Santana says still glancing off into space.

"What makes you so sure?" Brittany questions.

"Unique likes to be center of attention. If it was something little like a new outfit she wouldn't tell us, she'd just show up. So for her to warn us means it's something big: a child. Her and Ryder always wanted one. It's definitely going to be something big if Unique is the parent." Santana shrugs.

Brittany smacks her arm playfully. "Don't say that to them when they're here."

"I won't." Santana sighs. "I think I'm going to head upstairs."

"Why?"

"I'm not feeling it Britt. I've been with him for his birthday and I just need to get some space from everyone." She explains.

Brittany knows she isn't being a bad person but is still worried. "Okay baby." Santana stands up to leave. "I love you."

"I love you too." Santana heads back inside.

"She okay?" Kurt asks sweetly.

"No. No she's not."

**I wonder what Brittany's condition is? hmm. lol. Enjoy!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A lil note I wanted to mention because I think it's cute. I'm getting inspiration for Isaac and Ava from my little cousins. So stuff they do or say is based on what they did in real life. For example one of them says baby all the time and it's HILARIOUS so I had to include it. /95qHScadvdk is the link to the choreo I reference.**

**1 week later (Monday 6th April)**

Turns out the suprise was that Ryder and Unique adopted a little girl called Tasha. She immediately took a liking to Cora Abrams.

Maribel and Antonio decided to stay in New York for a few more weeks. They were staying in the guest bedroom that's in the basement. Over the past week they had been great help.

Santana was starting a new dosage of 1.25mg today. Brittany was extremely worried because last week was a bad one. Dr Gish had been asking Santana about bringing Brittany into a session. So she was going to voice her concerns then.

Brittany had managed to hire someone to take over most of her classes for a few weeks but she needs to get back to work soon. With that being said, she decided to try to get back in the swing of things by teaching a few classes today.

Santana's job on the other hand was a different story. Blaine and Santana were co-hosts of Spice FM radio station and she hadn't been to work since everything happened. Being the star radio host she had gained quite the following, the same as Brittany with her Youtube Channel, so the fans have noticed that they have been inactive recently. Even some of the other moms from school have asked Brittany about it, she of course ignored them.

Everyone was downstairs sitting around the kitchen table eating breakfast that Maribel had prepared. She came and sat between her daughter and husband, who was at the head of the table, and laid the final plate of pancakes in the middle.

"Oh yeah baby!" Isaac cheers and pronounces baby as bebe. He reaches over the table and takes two pancakes, putting them on his plate. Everyone laughs at his new habit of saying baby but Santana gives a light chuckle. He reaches back over to grab the chocolate syrup and squirts a lot onto his pancakes.

Brittany quickly grabs it out of his hands and scolds him. "Jet, not too much. We've told you this." His little brow furrows and he sticks his bottom lip out as it starts trembling. "No don't cry." Brittany warns. He ignores her and cries anyway.

"I want syrup!" He shouts with tears down his face.

"Isaac Cole you do not shout." Brittany says firmly.

"SYRUP!" He yells even louder then before.

"No, you don't get any syrup now." She picks up his plate with Jet's food on. Before she can move it away he slaps her on the hand. "You do not hit Mommy!" He hits her again this time harder. Brittany hisses in pain but tries to hide it. "Isaac that's it. Time out." She points to the arm chair in the corner of the adjoining living room. He gets up and cries louder walking over to his time out spot. Ava finished her breakfast and excused herself from the table, heading upstairs.

"Are you alright Brittany?" Antonio asks concerned at the woman who is clearly hurt by her son's actions.

"Yeah, he's just being naughty." Brittany says trying to waver off the hurt she felt.

"Baby..." Santana says trying to coax out Brittany's true feelings.

She lets a tear roll down her cheek. "Sorry." She wipes it away.

"Don't be sorry sweetie." Maribel says sincerely. "What's wrong?"

"When his temper flares up, he can be a little mean and it just hurts sometimes." She shrugs. Santana holds her wife's hand and squeezes it whilst listening to her son who is still crying.

"He gets that temper from Santana. She used to be the same." Maribel smiles trying to lighten the mood. Santana rolls her eyes playfully.

Antonio chuckles remembering his daughters mood swings. "Yes." He agrees. "I remember one time she packed her little lunchbox and backpack and said to us that 'She's going away and will come back when we have realised our mistakes'."

"What did you do?" Brittany asks now feeling a lot better.

"We didn't let her ride her bike down the stairs." He laughs loudly shortly joined by his wife and daughter in law. Santana smiles genuinely at them all.

"Yes that was it!" Maribel chuckles. "I remember how I almost had a heart attack seeing her at the top of the stairs sat on her bike."

"We're still not sure how she got it up there!" They continue laughing.

"What can I say? I gots muscles." Santana says in her Lima-Heights-Adajcent accent.

Everyone laughs more at her, all of them smiling inside realising she's slowly coming back to them. Their laughter died down when they saw Isaac stood behind Brittany with a sheepish look on his face. Brittany followed their line of sight to her son.

"Mommy?" He asks sadly.

"Yes?" Brittany smiles at him.

"I'm sorry." He cries and throws himself at Brittany. She picks him up so he straddles her lap and he cries into her chest.

"It's okay." She pulls his head away from her chest and wipes his tears with her thumbs. "But you need to understand that when someone says no, it means no." He nods back at her. "And you can't hit someone when you don't get your way. You're 5 now so you're a lot stronger and it might hurt someone." He leans back into her chest.

"I'm sorry." He says again.

"I know you are bud." She kisses his forehead, smiling at the rest of her family.

••••••••••  
**1:00pm**

Brittany was about to start her hip-hop class, she had already thought of the choreography and decided they would be dancing to Yonce by Beyonce. This is a more advanced class so the moves she chose shouldn't be too hard. Everyone started entering the dance studio each greeting Brittany. They did a warm-up at the start like they do every class.

"Okay so today I've chosen a song by Miss Bey." Brittany says happily. This causes the whole studio to cheer. "This dance is more to the feminie side so if it's not your style change some of the moves to some you're comfortable with." Everyone nods at her. "I'll run through it first so you can see what it looks like." She pauses before saying with a wink. "Heels are optional."

She tightens the straps off her heels and walks over to the stereo and presses play. The drum beat to Yonce immediately starts playing. Brittany hears gasps of excitement and overhears one of the students whisper to another. "You can already tell she's going to ace this." Brittany smiles to herself and gets in position facing the mirror. She does a few hip movements to get into the music which earns her a bunch of cheers.

_See me up in the club with fifty-leven girls,_  
_Posted in the back, diamond fangs in my grill,_  
_Brooklyn brim with my eyes sitting low,_  
_Every boy in here with me got that smoke_

She's hits the beat of the song, performing every move perfectly. She does a spin before getting closer to the floor and does another spin onto her knees. She slides her knees in and out so she's moving up and down. When the lyrics _Up and down _play she gets onto her hands with her feet on the floor, so she's in a triangle before slowly sliding her feet back so she's onto the floor, again causing a lot of cheers.

She continues through the dance doing each piece amazingly. When she reaches the next part of the song everyone sits back in amazement.

_Yo man ain't ever seen a booty like this,_

She turns around slapping her ass, bending down and twerking a little.

_And why you think you keep my name rolling off your toungue, _  
_Cuz when he wanna smash I just write another one,_  
_I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker,_

_Yonce all on his mouth like liquor,_  
_Yonce all on his mouth like liquor,_

She seductively gets into a crouched position swiveling her butt out and doing a few more sexual moves. She finishes by standing up slowly and twerking. She turns around and starts laughing at everyone's faces. **(Choreo is up top)**

"That bad?" Brittany jokes. Everyone shakes their heads.

"Brittany that was amazing!" A girl with long brown hair says whilst clapping.

"And hot!" A boy wearing a nike tracksuit shouts causing the class to laugh and agree with him.

"Thank you Hazel and Leon." Brittany laughs. "You ready to get started?" She asks and everyone nods. Half of the class opt for heels while the others do not.

Brittany runs through the choreo a few times only having a few people doing more neutral moves. They practise with music and it looks really good. Brittany looks at the clock and sees that it's been an hour and a half meaning class is over.

"That's it for today! You all did really well, remember to do a cool down too!" She yells as they exit.

She goes to the stereo and grabs her water bottle from the top along with a towel. She wipes her face and neck whilst taking a few swigs.

"Brittany?"

Brittany turns her head to the noise to see that Hazel hasn't left yet. "Yes Hazel?"

"Is everything okay?" Brittany gives her a confused look. "It's just you haven't been to class in awhile and you haven't posted anything in ages."

Brittany sighs. "I'm just taking a bit of time off."

"You never take time off." She replies back hastily. "I think we deserve some type of explanation."

Brittany scoffs. "You don't deserve anything from me. That's my private life you're talking about and last time I checked I didn't need to share it with you, or anyone for that matter."

"I'm sorry." Hazel says quietly releasing that she's in the wrong.

"Okay." Brittany says bluntly annoyed that this girl had the nerve to demand an explanation from her.

Hazel gives Brittany one last look before exiting the studio. Brittany sighs and slides down the wall. She sits down with her head leaning back. Brittany doesn't even notice the tears come out of her eyes until she hears a knock at the door.

She quickly wipes her tears, stands up and smoothens herself out. She walks to the door and opens it.

"Hey Britt!" Mike greets her cheerfully.

"Hey!" She tries to match his tone but fails.

"You okay?" Mike asks sincerely.

"Yeah, just a bit stressed." Brittany tries to shrug off his concern.

Mike senses this and obliges. "I was just wondering if you wanted to come to lunch with me, Tina and Shay?" Emily was one of the teachers at the studio.

"Yeah sure, I'll just grab my purse." He nods and she runs to her office, grabbing her purse and leaving to get lunch.

••••••••••  
**2:00pm**

They arrived at a small cafe called The Milkbar. It was a cute looking place, not very big but had a large atmosphere. They were sat in the corner in a little booth just chatting.

"So how's the baby?" Tina asks Shay.

"He's doing really well." Shay smiles talking about her son. "He sleeps very well too."

"That's so lucky!" Tina groans. "Blake and Charlie weren't very good sleepers."

Shay laughs a little. "Maybe they were tired of their mom laying around all the time being a lazy bitch." She jokes. Brittany and Mike start laughing loudly, Tina fakes a look of hurt. "Kidding." She leans into Brittany and whispers. "Not kidding." Brittany chuckles again looking at Tina.

"No but seriously I'm glad everything is going well." Brittany smiles warmly at Shay.

"Thanks." She looks and Brittany and smiles pulling her into a hug.

Their food arrives and they all thank the waiter and dig in.

"Britt, how's Santana?" Mike asks. Brittany asked the girls if they could fill everyone else in on what's going on as Santana wished.

"She's slowly becoming herself again but there's still a long way to go. She still has bad days but I wouldn't expect her to not have them." Everyone nods at her. "I think I need to try and get her out of the house more, she barely leaves, but I don't want to force her."

"I get what you mean." Shay places her hand on Brittany's. "It could do her some good. Maybe try something little like taking the kids to the playground?"

"Yeah I'll do that. We could bring a picnic." Brittany smiles at herself.

"That sounds nice." Mike smiles and Tina nods agreeing with them.

While they're enjoying their lunch they don't notice the girl who has been taking photos of them. She zooms in on a photo of the girls conjoined hands.

**Meanwhile...**

Santana is laying in bed scrolling through netflix on her macbook when a notification pops up from Twitter.

_The real reason we haven't heard from Santana or Brittany Lopez-Pierce!_

She clicks on it and is taken to a tweet with a photo of Brittany and Shay sat together and laughing closely, some hugging and holding hands. She sees that it's had over 700k likes and comments. She reads through some of them:

_I always knew Santana could do better!_

_This explains why they've been gone for weeks! Poor Santana!_

_Santana hope you're okay!_

_Poor Santana she didn't deserve this._

_Brittany's a cheating slut._

Santana lets the tears fall out. She has been waiting for this. Waiting for Brittany to come to her senses and leave her behind. And just when she was starting to feel hope for herself.

The air in the room starts to feel thick so she leaves her room and quietly goes down the stairs choking back tears. She peers round the corner and doesn't see her Mamí or Papí. She grabs her keys out of her pocket and leaves the house quickly. She jumps in her car and just starts driving.

**Back in The Milkbar...  
**  
Mike's phone starts to ring so he leaves the table to take the call. He comes back looking flustered.

"Babe, are you okay?" Tina says worriedly.

"I'm fine. Brittany check your phone now." He says quickly.

She pulls out her phone to see loads of missed calls and unanswered texts but what stands out is a certain tweet.

"Oh my god! I have to speak to Santana!" She runs out of the cafe without saying goodbye but she did leave money.

The drive back is quick and she rushes into her house not noticing Santana's car isn't there.

"San?" She shouts through the house.

Maribel and Antonio walk into the hallway and see Brittany.

"Oh hello Brittany you're home early!" Maribel chirps.

"Where's Santana?" Brittany asks urgently.

"She's uh upstairs." Antonio says confused at Brittany. She runs upstairs and sees that Santana isn't in the bedroom. She sees the open laptop with the tweet.

"Fuck!" She mumbles to herself.

"Brittany what's going on?" They ask but when they don't see Santana they get worried. "Where is she?"

"Fuck! I don't know!" She yells, not at her in-laws but at herself. She explains everything to them, they look even more worried when she finishes explaining. "I promise you both I did not cheat!"

"Don't worry Brittany we know." Antonio nods in agreement with his wife. "Santana does too but she's insecure at the moment."

"I know." She sighs "I just need to find her."

They all rush outside and lock up. They notice that her car isn't there and Brittany curses herself. They all hop in Brittany car and she gets in the front seat.

She dials Santana's number a few times receiving no answer. Maribel and Antonio do the same. She keeps ringing her phone until it answers.

"Hello? Santana?" Brittany says distressed. There was no answer on the other end but Brittany knows she's there because she can hear her breathing. "Santana? Where are you?" No answer. "Please just tell me where you are!" Brittany cries.

"The studio." She replies quietly.

Brittany sighs in relief. "Okay, just wait in the lobby for me. Stay on the phone so I know you're okay."

"I'm not inside." She mumbles.

"What do you mean? Where are you?" Brittany says frightened.

"The roof." Maribel and Antonio both let out a cry of worry for their daughter.

"Baby please don't move. I'm coming and I'll explain everything." Brittany has tears streaming down her face making it almost impossible to drive, but she does.

They arrive at the studio 7minutes later, Brittany kept Santana on the phone talking so she knew she was alright. She ran up the fire escape to the roof. She got up there and Santana was sat with her legs dangling off the edge. Brittany runs over to her and yeets her into her arms. She cradles Santana on the floor kissing her head.

"Don't scare me like that." Brittany whispers crying.

"It's not what you think. I wasn't going to jump." Santana lets a few of her own tears out.

"You've thought about it though." Brittany fires back.

"I do. I talked about earlier in therapy." She whispers. Brittany squeezes her arms tighter and Santana remembers why she was here in the first place. She pulls away from Brittany.

"Please sit." Santana sits back down and Brittany explains what happened at lunch. "I promise it's not what it looked like. I'd never cheat on you."

Santana lets out a sob. "I'm sorry, I trust you." She cuddles into Brittany further. "I just saw it and reacted."

"It's okay." They sat there holding eachother for a while, they texted Maribel and Antonio telling them she was fine and wasn't going to do anything. She left out how suicide comes across Santana's mind thinking that's something Santana should discuss with them.

Brittany knows there's still a mountain to climb to get Santana back. She worries this could be a setback for them but still holds onto the hope that she'll get through this.

Santana looks up at her wife and witnesses pure love. Some of her insecurites vanish at the sight. 'This woman does really love me' she thinks and smiles. 'I'm getting there. I need to do this for Brittany, it hurts me too much to see her like this'. So that's what Santana does she promises herself she'll get better for her family and means it.

**Hope you enjoyed, have a nice day!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thursday 16th April (Brittany's 26th Birthday)**  
The gang had all flown in for Brittany's birthday, including her parents, the night before. Whitney and Pierce are staying in Ava's room and Ava is sleeping in Isaac's room. It wasn't a fancy birthday, just getting dinner and drinks. Maribel, Antonio, Whitney and Pierce offered to watch a few of the kids. The L.A. bunch didn't bring the children this time.

Santana was hesistant about leaving but knew it was something she needed to do. She also hated leaving her children as they were one of the only things keeping her happy. She had been extra clingy with them and hated it when they went to school.

Santana decided she was going to try to put away her feelings and thoughts so Brittany could enjoy her birthday. It was a lot easier because today felt like a good day. She started by waking up early and making breakfast in bed.

She's in the kitchen making Brittany's favourite breakfast: french toast with fruit and yogurt. She finishes it off by pouring her a glass of orange juice. She sets everything on the tray and makes her way back into the bedroom. As she walks towards the stairs she eyes the front door and remembers the flowers she had delivered. She sets the tray down and goes out to the garage to grab the red rose and white lily bouquet. She places them on the food tray and continues her journey to the bedroom.

She walks in and smiles at her sleeping wife. She's clutching onto to a pillow, with her head resting on it and her left leg sprawled out over it. Every year Santana sings happy birthday to Brittany to wake her up, she decides to continue the tradition.

_Happy Birthday to you,_  
_Happy Birthday to you,_  
_Happy Birthday to Brittany,_  
_Happy Birthday to you._

She sings softly. She watches as Brittany's lips turn into a goofy smile. "Happy birthday baby." Santana kisses Brittany on the lips softly.

Brittany flutters her eyes open. "Thank you." She spots her breakfast and the flowers. She looks up at her wife, teary eyed, and asks playfully, "For me?" Santana rolls her eyes playfully and Brittany accepts the food tray. "I love you so much." She puckers her lips, inviting Santana to kiss her. Santana graciously accepts and deeply kisses her wife.

They pull away and each dig into the food Santana prepared both humming in response. Brittany pauses momentarily to smell the flowers, leaving a big smile on her face.

"I'm an awesome cook." Santana says taking another bite.

"Yes you are." Brittany laughs and takes another bite moaning at the taste.

Hearing Brittany moan takes Santana out of her food trance. She thinks of how her and Brittany haven't been inimate in a long time and feels guilty. She looks around the room trying to find something she can talk about to take her mind off of things.

She eyes the flowers and remembers what else she got Britany. "I got you a new vase to put the flowers in too." She puts her knife and fork down and leaves the room. She comes back in moments later holding a box and looking anxious. "You have to promise not to laugh."

Brittany frowns at her then chuckles. "Why would I laugh at a vase?" She questions.

"It was a stupid idea forget it." She says frantically and tries to leave the room. Brittany hops off the bed and places her hands on Santana's shoulders.

"Show me." She says smiling.

Santana looks at her for a second nervously then her worry turns into a small smile. She hestitantly takes the top off of the box. Brittany looks in the box to see a cuboid shaped off white vase. On it has the letters S + B in the top corner and at the bottom has their wedding date. But in the middle are two birds sitting on a branch.

Santana anxiously waits for Brittany's reaction to the vase she made for her. She bites her bottom lip and rocks on the balls of her feet. Brittany is still looking at the vase in awe and hasn't said anything. "I can exchange it if you don't like it." She reaches for the vase but Brittany shakes her head.

"No I love it." She once again has tears in her eyes and engulfes Santana into a hug. "Are they songbirds?" Brittany asks softly. Santana nods smiling.

Brittany remembers when Santana sang it to her in the choir room. Her mind then takes her to their second wedding day where they used the song for their first dance. She looks at Santana and knows by the look on her face that she's thinking about it too.

"Why would I laugh at this?" Brittany questions still fawning over it.

"Because I'm not a very good at pottery." Santana shrugs. Brittany's head shoots up at Santana.

"Wait, you made this?" Santana nods sheepishly and Brittany bursts out crying tears of happiness. She kisses Santana all over her face. "I love it so much." She kisses her on the lips. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." She kisses her again.

Santana gets some water to put the flowers in and places it on the dresser. Brittany puts the flowers in and smiles warmly.

"Can we move it downstairs? I want to show it off to everybody." Brittany beams.

Santana chuckles at her wife's cuteness. "Whatever you want babe."

They finish off their food and start to get ready but then Santana remembers something.

"Wait B, get back in bed." Santana runs to the bathroom to stop Brittany taking off more of her clothes. She puts the shirt back on the blonde's head and drags her back onto the bed.

"Not that I don't mind being roughly thrown on the bed but why am I?" Brittany teases and wiggles further into the mound of pillows.

Santana tenses at the sexual nature of Brittany's comment and explains her reasons. "I told Ava and Jet that I'd let them wake you up." She pulls the covers over Brittany and tucks her in. "Pretend to be asleep." She struts out of the room to wake the kids up and Brittany laughs and wiggles into the comforter to 'go to sleep'.

Brittany feels like she's been waiting ages for Santana to wake the kids up but doesn't think anything of it. She hears the door creep open and the tiny pitter-patters of her children's feet. She bites the inside of her cheeks to hide her smile.

"I wake up mommy?" Ava loudly whispers.

"Yeah, go ahead." She guides them toward the bed. Jet stops before the bed and his little brow is furrowed. "What's wrong baby?"

"Does she have clothes on?" He asks innocently. This causes Santana to laugh loudly, she desperately tries to hold it in. Brittany on the other hand is clamping her mouth hard to stop herself from bursting out laughing.

"Shh you'll wake mommy!" Ava scolds. Santana still trying to hold in her laughter turns away from her daughter to compose herself.

"Sorry." She apologises. "Yes she has clothes on."

Ava and Isaac both start smiling. They climb on the bed and both scream loudly. Ava screams "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" but Jet on the other hand decides to scream "I WANT MOMMY'S CAKE!" and unknowing of the double meaning pats Brittany's butt.

Both Santana and Brittany can no longer hold in their laughter and they both laugh very hard. Brittany 'wakes up' and pulls them both into a hug with watching Santana cry with laughter.

They both calm themselves down and are all sitting on the bed. Ava and Isaac keep looking at eachother and laughing. Brittany side eyes her wife suspiciously but Santana just winks at her.

"We have a suprise!" Ava says giggling. Santana gets off the bed to get her phone and points it at Brittany.

"What's the suprise?" Brittany asks curiously and smile-frowns at her wife filming her.

"MAMÍ!" Santana shouts at the door.

The door opens and Maribel, Whitney, Pierce and Antonio are stood there with beaming smiles on their faces. Whitney has her hand behind her back and slowly brings it round to show a little brown ragdoll kitten.

Santana films Brittany's reaction to the little kitten which is of course positive. Whitney hands Brittany the kitty and she's crying for the third time today. "Happy birthday Britty!" Her parents say in unison.

"I wuv you, so much." Brittany says in a playful way holding the cat slightly above her head. She pulls him into her chest and kisses his head. "Do I get to name him?"

"Of course baby." Santana says still smiling goofily at her wife's cuteness.

"Can we name him Chad?" She asks handing the kitten to her children to play with.

"Ew no." She grimaces. "We're not giving the cat a frat boy name."

"But he's the one who played Lucas on one tree hill?" She pouts.

"Nope." She pops the p, still filming this whole thing.

"What about Brad?"

"No we're not naming him after the piano player who i'm 100% sure partakes in human trafficking." Santana replies snarkily causing Brittany to laugh.

"Okay okay!" She puts her hands up. "That's a bad name." She rubs her chin trying to think of a good name. Her face of thought turns into a face of triumph as she makes noises like a monkey. "Ooo ooo! I've got a good one." She pauses for effect making Santana giggle. "Sir Puddington the III!"

Santana smile is like the size of the statue of liberty. Ava and Isaac laugh hysterically along with the parents of the two girls.

"I think that's perfect." Santana kisses Brittany's lips.

Maribel and Antonio look on at how happy their daughter is around her family. They see pure love watching them all fawn over the little kitten. They momentarily forget what their daughter is battling and are happy to see her happy.

Maribel wipes a tear from her eye and whispers to her husband. "Va a estar bien." (She's going to be alright.)

Antonio nods in agreement. "Realmente es." (She really is.)

••••••••••  
**2pm**  
After breakfast and lunch the family were chilling outside. It was spring break so the kids were home. Normally they go away for spring break and Britt's birthday but they decided to stay home this year and luckily no one else had really planned anything so everyone was free.

Antonio was in the soccer goal in the yard with Ava trying to shoot the ball in the net. Isaac was testing out his new skatboard on the large back deck with Pierce. Santana, Brittany, Whitney and Maribel were sat around the patio table drinking coffee, with Santana complaining because she had decaf.

"San stop being so dramatic." Brittany rolls her eyes and Maribel laughs.

"But Britt!" Santana whines. "It tastes like milk." She pouts.

"It doesn't taste like milk, you're just used to having the whole coffee bean farm in one cup of coffee." Brittany replies smirking and sipping her own coffee.

"Am not!" She scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest.

Brittany laughs at Santana. "Baby San is so adorable." She replies in a baby voice.

"Britt! Stop it!" She wines again.

Maribel, Whitney and Brittany laugh again at the whiny Santana. After some light conversation Whitney speaks up after remembering something.

"Oh, Britt." Brittany turns her attention to her mom. "Ashley says she's really sorry she couldn't make it but she has lots of assignments to complete for college."

Brittany nods a bit upset her sister wouldn't make it. "It's fine we'll just do something when we're both free." Whitney smiles at her. They continue the conversation when Ava screams happily.

"MAMÍ! MOMMY!" Ava screeches jumping up and down. "Did you see that?" She doesn't wait for them to respond. "It went. Through. His. Legs!"

"That's awesome bunny!" Brittany replies just as cheerily and strokes Puddington who has been sitting in her lap. Ava doesn't listen and starts dancing around excitedly before going back to shooting the ball.

"I'm bored." Isaac moans and flops onto Santana's lap.

"Do you not like your new skateboard, mi nieto?" Maribel asks questionly.

"No I love it. But it's _boring _doing it here." He emphasises the word boring. Maribel and Brittany both laugh at how much like Santana he is.

"We can't take it anywhere now but how about we go on a picnic soon and we can take it then?" Brittany suggests looking over at Santana to get her approval.

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea, doesn't it?" Santana kisses the side of his head.

"Yeah." He nods his head. "But what can I do _now_?" He sighs leaning his head back on Santana's chest.

"Why don't you find some toys that are good to play with here?" Santana rubs his back.

His moody face turns into a smile. He rushes off his mother's lap, picks up his skateboard and runs inside.

_Hmm what should I play with? _Isaac thinks as he makes his way up the stairs. When he reaches the top he drops the skateboard but manages to stop it rolling down the stairs. That's when an idea pops into his head. _I can ride the skateboard down the stairs! _He gets it into position and sits on it ready. He's about to go when he thinks about what his mothers would say. Mommy would say _Don't play on the stairs, you might fall. T_hen he thinks to what Mamí would say _Isaac Cole get down right now! Blah blah blah. _She would just yell at him in spanish.

He looks around and realises no one is here to stop him. He gets in position to push off down the stairs.

**Meanwhile...**  
"Excuse me ladies, I need the restroom." Maribel stands up and pushes her chair in. She straightens her outfit and heads inside. She reaches the bottom of the stairs and looks up to find Isaac barreling down towards her. Her maternal instinct kicks in and she swiftly moves out of the way of the skateboard picking Isaac up letting it crash into the wall at the bottom.

"Sucedió de nuevo." (It happened again) The panic still heavily in her voice. Isaac laughing loudly wanting to do it again. Everyone outside must've heard the crash as they came running inside.

"What the hell happened here?" Santana yells noticing the slight dent in the wall. Isaac stops laughing immediately.

Antonio takes in the situation and answers for Maribel noticing that she's still trying to calm herself down. "Isaac did you try to go down the stairs on your skateboard?" He asks firmly. Isaac shakes his head. "Isaac Cole."

"I didn't _try _to! I did do it!" He says confidently. Brittany tries to hold in her laugh and Santana notices but decides not to say anything yet.

"Isaac you do not do that." Santana wags her finger sternly.

"But I did!" He pleads getting frustrated that no one understands that he did it.

"Isaac we know you did it and we're telling you not to because it's wrong." Santana replies.

"Ohh." He says in realisation. "Sorry."

"Skateboard is going to go in time out." She sighs and picks up the skateboard. Brittany frowns wondering why Santana is being so strict.

"NO!" He screams and tries to grab his skateboard.

"Isaac don't shout!" Brittany decides to step in and raise her voice seeing that her wife is getting really stressed out. She nods a thank you at Brittany.

Isaac realises he's been very bad because his mommy is shouting. His _mommy. _"I'm sorry." He sniffles and runs up to his room for his time out.

"Dad can you take Ava outside?" Brittany quietly asks her father.

"Sure sweetie." He holds Ava's hand and leads her outside.

"San calm down." Brittany rubs her arms up and down Santana's arms. As Brittany calms down Santana, Antonio goes to calm down Maribel.

Santana takes a few deep breaths and sinks into Brittany's chest. "I'm sorry. I promised myself I would be fine for you."

"Santana you don't have to do that." Brittany frowns and brushes some of the hair from Santana's face.

"Ay dios mio! I thought I was having a heart attack when Santana almost did it but he ACTUALLY did it!" Maribel rambles trying to catch her breath.

"I know, I know. Just breathe." Antonio smiles trying to lighten the mood.

"Thank you mamí." Santana says calming down. "We probably would be on the way to the hospital if it wasn't for you." Santana sniffles at the thought.

Hearing her daughter cry, Maribel snaps out of her own panic and rushes over to comfort her daughter.

"I love you all so much and would save all of you in a heartbeat." Maribel says squeezing her daughter in her arms.

••••••••••  
**6pm**  
Santana and Brittany were in their room getting changed. They'd showered, done their hair and makeup and were just waiting on their friends arrival.

Santana had settled on a short red dress with the neck below her boobs not leaving much to imagination. She had her hair flat-ironed and parted to the side.

Brittany had decided to wear a blue flowy jumpsuit with her hair parted down the middle and slightly curled.

Brittany watches Santana put in her Tiffany earrings and couldn't help but notice how empty she looked. She decides to voice her concerns.

"Babe?" Santana looks at her through the mirror and releases a hum to say she heard her. "Are you sure you're all right to go out tonight?"

"Yeah." She says unconvincingly and glances away.

"San..." Brittany sighs seeing right through her lies.

"What do you want me to say?" Santana snaps. "Do you want me to tell you how I feel so fucking horrible all the time? Do you want me to tell you how I just want to crawl into a ball and be left alone? Do you want me to tell you how I am dirty addict? Do you want me to tell you how I just want everything to stop?" She yells with tears streaming down her face.

Brittany's taken aback by everything Santana is saying to her. She lets her own tears fall when the words sink in. She bites her lip unsure whether to ask the unspoken question. "You want to die?" Her voice breaks.

Santana's heart breaks even more listening to her ask that. "No." She assures. "There's..." She starts off but can't find the words.

"Please be honest with me." Brittany manages to get out choking on a sob.

Santana sighs. "I would be lying if I said I've never thought about it." Brittany lets out another cry. "But," She walks over to Brittany pulling her into a hug. "That was back in high school..."

"And..." Brittany clucthes tighter to Santana.

"Before I started using, before I went to therapy." She comforts Brittany. "Dr Gish helped me realise I don't want to die. I just want the pain to go away." She says barely audible but Brittany hears.

"I'm really happy you're getting help." Brittany sniffs. "I just don't want to lose you." After she says this she just breaks down sobbing.

"Hey, hey, I'm not going anywhere." She rubs Brittany's back and after she begins to calm down she continues. "I'm really sorry for snapping at you it's just this whole taper thing is playing with my emotions."

"It's okay." Brittany mumbles wiping her eyes.

"No it's not." She sighs. "I'm sorry for ruining your birthday I told myself I would keep it together."

"You don't have to be sorry. I'll appreciate it more if you come to me when you're not feeling 100% rather than hide it from me." Brittany says firmly but in a nice way. Santana nods in response. "Do you want to just stay home tonight?"

"No, I need to leave if I'm going to get better." She says bringing Brittany's face up to look in her eyes. "I want to get better."

Brittany face slowly turns into a smile. "I love you so much, you know?"

Santana lets a smile creep onto her face too. "Yeah?" Brittany nods still smiling. "I love you too."

Brittany kisses her on the lips and pulls away to look into her eyes. "But promise me if you feel off tonight you'll tell me?"

"I promise." She smiles and kisses Brittany again. "Let's fix our make up and go have some fun. And did I tell you how beautiful you look?" She says happily.

Brittany blushes at the compliment. "As do you."

**Chapters will take longer come out due to the fact school has started up again :( This one also took longer to write because I've been ill this past week. Anyways have a nice day!**


	15. Chapter 15

**7:20pm (16th April)**  
Santana and Brittany ended up being late to their own birthday meal. Their little tiff made them run a little late. They had booked a room at the restaraunt ZAVŌ for them to chill, eat, drink and dance in. Afterwards they were going to go to another club to party.

"Hi guys! So sorry we're late!" Brittany huffs whilst quickly sitting down at the head of the table, Santana close behind sitting next to her.

"Of course you guys would be late to your own birthday." Kurt exclaims with a playful shake of his head.

"Yeah, what took you so long?" Tina questions as she sloshes her drink around.

"Traffic." Brittany says with a sigh, secretly winking at Santana. Santana smiles back thanking her for not mentioning her earlier outburst.

"I didn't know Santana goes by traffic now?" Quinn says playfully and sips her glass of wine. Santana glares at her to which Quinn responds with a wink earning a round of laughter.

"Very funny Lucy Q." Santana says sarcastically sinking back into her chair. She is already feeling uncomfortable in the situation. She would rather be at home in bed by herself but she has to get through this meal for Brittany. So she tries to lean into her chair to make herself less noticeable.

"I do try." She smirks at Santana although is a little concerned that she didn't reply back with a snarky comment. She doesn't comment though wanting to treat Santana normally.

"So did you guys all decide what you want?" Brittany asks picking up the menu.

"Yes Brittany we _just _about had enough time for us to decide what we would like." Rachel rolls her eyes.

For some reason Santana has been getting extra annoyed with Rachel recently. Everything she does ignites the latina's anger. She's been really nosey and insensitive even though she 'wants to be a good friend'.

As if Brittany can sense her anger, she places her hand on Santana's thigh soothingly. "Rachel I've apologised, I can't control every car in New York." She pauses for a moment. "Actually I don't know if I can. I've never tried." Her eyes immediately light up. "Maybe I should use my magical mind powers?"

Rachel stares at her dumbfoundedly where as, Santana, Mike, Quinn and Sam all burst out laughing at Brittany.

Only a few people truly understand Brittany. Those people are Santana, Quinn, Mike and Sam. They all know the true reason why Brittany is the way she is. They know she isn't stupid her mind just works differently. But they also know that Brittany never once believed any of the stuff to do with Lord Tubbington or Rory the Leprechaun, she used to say that stuff because she found people's reactions hilarious. No one ever knew she was joking though, everyone already thought she was stupid, so she let them believe whatever they wanted.

Their laughter is interupted when the waiters come to take their orders and re-fill drinks. They go around the table ordering and then it reaches Santana and Brittany.

"And for you two?" The balding waiter asks them.

Brittany looks at Santana and they have a private conversation. Brittany looks at the waiter and responds, "Two waters please."

Santana squeezes Brittany's hand in thanks. Santana hasn't been consuming anything drug-like, such as caffeine and alcohol. Brittany has also been doing this to show Santana support.

"And to eat?" He writes their drink order and waits for them to respond.

"I'll have the baked salmon." Brittany says politely folding her menu. "What about you babe?"

"Uh...just the soup of the day please." She smiles and hands him her menu. She doesn't really feel like eating. _You don't deserve to eat_ says the little voice in her head. She shakes her head to try and rid of the thought.

Brittany was the only one looking at her, the group decided not to question Santana's order out of respect. They had split into their own conversations but Brittany was concerned for Santana. She remembers that the brunette promised to tell her if she was feeling off but she knows that something is up.

She knows Santana hasn't really been eating well over the past few weeks. She's still at an unhealthy weight it's sort of an unspoken thing between them. She thinks to herself that she's going to try to get her to eat tonight.

She breaks out of her thought cycle when she hears a series of 'awws' around the table. "What?" Brittany asks intrigued.

"Ryder's showing us photos of Tasha." Kurt coos looking at Ryder's phone.

Unique was sat closer to Brittany then Ryder was, so she passes her her phone with a photo of Tasha asleep in Ryder's arms.

"Oh my god! She's adorable!" Brittany gushes placing her hand on her heart.

"I know! The orphanage managed to send us some photos of when she was a baby too." Unique says scrolling through her phone until she reaches the picture she was looking for.

"I love babies!" Brittany pouts. "They grow up too fast." The truth is Brittany has always wanted a large family. She has been ready to have a new baby for awhile now and she was going to bring it up to Santana but then everything happened so she hasn't really thought about it. But seeing these photos is bringing up buried feelings.

She glances up so she can look at Santana. Santana notices the sad look in her eye and due to the fact that they can literally have a silent conversation she understands the sadness.

Santana leans over to Brittany putting her hand on top of the pale one and gently brushes her lips against her cheek. "Someday, when I'm better." She whispers.

"When you're better." She agrees smiling and returns the favour, placing a kiss on Santana's cheek.

Throughout the wait for food, Brittany easily fell into conversation with Sam and Blaine, who were sat close by. Santana on the other hand sort of just listened to everyone else's conversations, not really feeling like contributing.

As Blaine was conversing with Brittany he kept looking at Santana. She had never been one to isolate herself or not be included. He felt it was his duty to bring her into some conversation as the two had gotten closer due to the fact they were co-hosts of Spice FM.

"Santana?" Santana hears her name and her head shoots up to Blaine. "Everyone really misses you down at the station."

The only people that know what's happening are The New Directions, Brittany and Santana's parents and Santana's manager. He agreed to let Santana take the time off to get back on track and even went as far as wishing her well in her recovery.

Santana doesn't really know how to respond. She doesn't want to go back to work, she can barely leave the house for more then 2 hours; to her it's impossible. However, she does want to get back out into the world; she just doesn't have the motivation.

"I uh- should be back soon." Is all she says. A few more people on the table turned their heads to look at her seen as it was one of the only things she'd said all night. Santana begins squirming in her seat feeling multiple eyes burning holes into her, her face turning red too.

"We'll have to get you a welcome back cake or something." He jokes as he takes a sip o his wine. A 'Welcome Back From Drug Recovery!' cake is the last thing Santana wants. She doesn't want anyone to say anything about her time off when she gets back.

"I-uh I know you're joking..." She begins, wringing her wrists, as the state of uncomfort continues. "But can you um- tell everyone to not like- make a whole scene?" She looks down at her water trying to avoid everyone looking at her.

"Oh. Yeah of course." He says reassuringly.

She doesn't smile back at him. She justs keeps staring at her water. She feels everyone lookin at her. Everyone judging her. They're looking at her disappointedly for being a drug addict. Everyone hates her.

Luckily for her, the attention is refocused onto the food when the waiters bring out everyone's meals. They go around placing everything in front of everyone. There's murmurs of "This looks good!" and "Mmm yum." around the table.

Everyone digs into their foods except for Santana. She slowly takes drink of water before slowly picking up her spoon and slowly eating a little bit of soup.

Brittany stops eating her salmon to look at how Santana is doing. She's barely had two spoonfuls. She knows that Santana hates it when she's being watched or forced to eat so she goes for a more casual approach.

"Babe?" Brittany says to get her attention. She lets out a hum in response. "You should try some of my salmon, it's really nice." She picks up a really small bite on her fork and offers it to Santana. She sees the cogs turning in Santana's head.

Santana looks at the little bite, measuring every millimetre of it. This could contain so many calories but it looks so nice and a little bite won't matter? It looks good. Too good for Santana, she doesn't deserve it.

She brings her eyes back to Brittany and shakes her head slightly. Brittany tilts her head as if to say 'Please, for me?'. Santana looks back down at the fork and slowly nods her head. She slowly eats the fish and she was right. It's delicious. She smiles at Brittany in thanks and the blonde smiles an even wider smile back, proud that she got her to eat even if it was little. It's a start.

"You want some more?" Brittany asks picking up another bite a little bit bigger then the last. She again sees Santana weighing out the pros and cons. It takes a lot quicker for her to decide her choice and she leans in to eat the food, sending Brittany another smile.

Both of them are unaware of Quinn watching on worriedly from the other end of the table. She understands that her fasting isn't to do with how she looks. It's to do with punishing herself and that's what makes Quinn more concerned. She inwardly smiles as she watches Santana eat a little more of Brittany's salmon before taking a few more half spoonfuls of her soup.

"Quinn did I tell you about the audition I got?" Rachel asks excitedly. Her smile turns into a frown when she realises the girl isn't paying attention to her. "Quinn?" She still hasn't answered and notices she looking elsewhere. Rachel follows her line of sight and sees her watching Brittany helping Santana through her meal.

Rachel feels a hint of sadness rush through her as she witnesses Santana's eating troubles. She recently found out that she battled with anorexia in highschool and was upset she wasn't there for her, granted they weren't friends at the time and only a few people new. But still, she realises she can be there for her now.

Santana once again feels eyes on her person. She looks away from Brittany and notices Rachel and Quinn staring at her.

"Is there something on my face?" Santana asks reaching for her napkin and wiping around her mouth.

"What? No!" Rachel turns red as she's been caught watching the other singer like a hawk.

"Rachel was just telling me about an audition she got." Quinn says smiling to cover up their staring.

"What for?" Sam asks. They had caught everyone elses attention on the table now.

"I'm auditioning to play Maureen in rent." Rachel says through a smile.

"Congrats girl!" Mercedes and Unique say in unison. They both turn their heads to look at eachother and start laughing. They're basically the same person.

"That's really big Rachel!" Blaine says gobsmacked.

"Totally!" Mike agrees.

"I'd be a better fit, but whatever..." Sugar says sipping her drink and rolling her eyes.

"Thank you everyone excluding Sugar." Rachel turns and glares at the girl who gives a fake smile in response.

"I understand why you were oogling at me now," Santana begins causing everyone to turn to her. "Trying to get into the lezzie lifestyle." She winks at Rachel.

Everyone laughs at Santana's comment, while Rachel simply stares at the girl dumbfoundedly.

"You've- You've seen rent?" She asks excitedly.

"Of course I have." Santana says as it's the most obvious thing in the world. Rachel's face lights up even more. "It's my favourtie musical." Rachel is about to say something but Santana puts her hand up to stop her. "No I will not a) read through lines with you, b) watch it with you, c) sing any of the songs with you or d) have a 3 hour discussion about it."

"I didn't think you were the musical type?" Marley says through a bite of food.

"I'm not. I just relate to rent, ya know?" She shrugs. "They're all struggling with something and they keep fighting through it." Everyone looks at her with heartfelt expressions. "When I first watched it, I felt like a coward for not being able to fight for myself. Afterwards I went and stood in front of the mirror and said the words 'I'm gay' for the first time."

It wouldn't have felt like a big deal to anyone else, but for Santana it was. She had been so scared of the words 'lesbian' or 'gay'. Admitting to herself, outloud, was the first step to finding the strenght to be who she truly is.

"That's something to be proud of, and I'll try my best to nail this audition." Rachel smiles warmly at Santana. She smiles back as she hears the word. Someone outside of her family is proud of her. That someone being Rachel Barbra Berry. A girl she tormented through highschool is saying that she's proud of her.

"I hope you do well." Santana says honestly.

The truth is she doesn't hate Rachel. Even though she's pissed at Rachel for being insensitive and annoying, she does have her moments when she's nice. It makes hating Rachel that much harder. She can be so horrible and diva-like at times but then turns into the nicest human being ever.

The waiters come back and clear the table and serve Brittany's birthday cake. They all sang happy birthday and ate the cake. They then moved the table to the side of the room to give more space for everyone to dance. They decided they would stay here for a few more drinks and leave to go the club.

Quinn picks up her full class of champagne and uses her ring to tap against the glass.

"Hello everyone I am Quinn Fabray." Quinn projects her voice in a British accent. "We have all come as one to celebrate our dear friend Brittany's birthday." She points towards the girl. "We have all dined and wined, but from this moment onwards I hereby declare that we are all going to get absolutely fucked!" Everyone cheers and laughs at the girl.

"Let's party!" Artie yells grabbing a bottle of tequila and passing it to Sam so he can pour shots for everyone.

Sugar picks up two shots and comes over to Brittany and Santana. "A birthday shot for the birthday girl?"

"No thank you. You drink it in my honour?" Brittany suggests.

"Babe, it's fine. Drink it." Santana says knowing that Brittany isn't drinking because of her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." She reassures her.

Brittany smiles and winks at her before taking the shot from Sugar. She faces back to everyone else and holds the shot in the air. Everyone else copies her and they all down the shot in synchronisation.

Brittany places the glass down and walks over to Santana pulling her into a hug. "Thank you baby." She kisses the crook of her neck.

Tina walks back into the room after using the bathroom and watches everyone take a shot together. She begins to tear up. "Seriously guys without me?"

Santana turns into Brittany's hair to hide her laughter. She feels Brittany giggling against her too. "How is it that she always gets left out?"

"I don't know." Brittany chuckles into Santana's neck.

"Aww come on Tina!" Blaine and Sam say. It's an unspoken thing that it's always them that comfort Tina when she cries for being 'left out' or 'forgotten at the airport'.

After one of the trips to L.A. everyone left the airport in different cabs but didn't realise Tina wasn't with them. She was still waiting for her luggage and everyone left to go to Mercedes' house. She got extremely upset and didn't stop crying until the next morning.

"Aw babe don't cry." Mike says pulling Tina into his arms.

"Honey come here." Unqiue says gesturing Tina to come over to her, so she does. "Let's get you a cocktail. Geisha or White Lady?" Santana lets out a loud laugh.

"I'm ignoring the racism in that comment, but I would love a geisha." She wipes the tears from her eyes as she starts laughing.

"Coming right up." Unique begins mixing the drink for Tina.

"You should give her a Crimson Tide, the bitch is emotional." Says a voice from behind everyone. They all turn around and are met with Kitty and Puck.

"It's not a party without us." Puck smirks.

* * *

**Hey guys hope you liked. Leave me some suggestions of stuff you would like to see in the future! Have a nice day! Also I've finally figured out how to use lines so yippee!**


	16. Chapter 16

_"It's not a party without us."_

"Puck what the hell are you doing here?" Brittany barks, flaring her nostrils.

No one had heard from Kitty or Puck since the incident over a month ago. He had no idea what had happened because he left that day and hadn't spoke to anyone since. Brittany and Quinn were pissed, so was everyone else, but they were the most angry.

"I've come to wish my favourite blonde a happy birthday," Puck cheers but stops himself when he hears Kitty clear her throat. "Sorry. Second favourite blonde." He smiles sheepishly. "But I think the invite was lost in the mail."

"No, you just didn't get an invite." Quinn hisses. She's absolutely appalled by Puck right now. He comes waltzing back here like not a damn thing is wrong.

"Chill out baby mama." He puts his arms up in defence. "What do you mean I didn't get an invite?"

Santana rubs up and down her arms nervously. She looks over to Brittany and tells her she's going to the bathroom for minute. Brittany understands she just needs a moment to herself.

Mercedes steps forward ready to confront Puck. "You don't get an invite for being a careless, self-involved dick." She points her finger angrily at him.

"Easy Latifa." Kitty says stepping inbetween them.

"Get your lil white ass out of my way-" Mercedes goes on to say but Sam decides to step in before things escalate. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her behind him.

"I'm guessing no one told you about what happened?" Sam asks calmly, wanting to diffuse the situation.

"No? What happened?" Puck asks concerned. He thinks back to the time he last saw them and then his thoughts took him to the whole Santana-drug debacle. He scans the room for Santana but can't see her anywhere. "Is it San? Is she okay?"

"No she isn't." Quinn scoffs, thinking about how Puck is such an idiot. How did she ever marry him?

Brittany takes a deep breath and explains calmly. "She's currently recovering from a drug addiction."

"And you gave her fucking ecstasy!" Quinn screams, stepping forward. As she does that, Mike quickly pulls her backwards. "Hands off Chang!" She tries to swat his hands away, but gives up in the end.

"How the fuck was I meant to know?" He yells getting angrier that they're blaming him for something out of his control.

"You weren't meant to know!" Mercedes shouts getting frustrated that Puck doesn't see what was wrong with his actions.

"Then why the hell are you all mad at me?" He screams.

"Because you shouldn't have had the fucking drugs in the first place!" Brittany bellows. Everyone goes silent. They all know that it's bad when Brittany turns to the yelling place.

Puck gathers himself again and proceeds with the arguement. "So it's okay for her to be addicted to drugs?"

"No one said it was okay." Tina cuts in to try and calm everyone down a little bit. It obviously fails because hello? It's Tina.

"Then why is there a double standard right now?" Puck throws his arms angrily and turns around.

Brittany takes a deep breath to prevent herself from shouting. "You think you're being treated unfairly right?" Puck nods. "Answer me this then." She pauses for effect. "Why did you start taking drugs?"

"B-Because..." He stutters knowing exactly where Brittany is going with this. He instantly felt guilty for what he had said before.

"Because you wanted to spice up your nights out?" She finishes for him in a sassy tone. He doesn't look at her and she knew she was right, even before Puck's confirmation. "Santana on the other hand, was trying to help herself. She was and is still currently struggling with depression and she thought taking anti-depressants would help her." She takes a step closer to him. "So this so call 'double standard' you're speaking of." She used her hands to make air quotes. "Is non-existent."

Puck couldn't even respond to that. No one in the room had said anything, too caught up in Brittany's speech. Brittany had clearly won the argument so she decided to go to Santana because she was currently struggling.

"Now if you excuse me, I'm going to find my very distraught wife." Brittany huffs and exits to the bathroom.

She goes inside and sees Santana hunched over the sink shaking. Santana must have heard the door because she looked up and met her eyes with Brittany's.

"Britt..." She croaked out, her voice extremely weak.

Brittany rushed over and pulled her into a hug. "Baby, you're okay." She kisses the top of her head trying to calm her down.

Santana isn't though. She finds herself struggling to breath against the tightness in her chest. She starts panicking even more when she realises she can't breath.

Brittany hears the shaking girl gasping for breath and looks down to see she isn't breathing properly.

"San, you need to take deep breaths okay?" Brittany demonstrates the breaths so Santana can follow along with her but Santana just gets more worried when it doesn't work.

"I-I c-can't..." Santana struggles out through her tears.

Brittany grabs her the brunettes hand and places it on her chest. "I need you to follow me okay?" Brittany takes deep breaths, hoping that she was doing the right thing.

After Santana's episode a few weeks back, Brittany googled panic attacks; if Santana has one she'd know what to do.

It seemed to have worked as Santana's heart rate was slowing and her breathing was becoming more even.

"You're okay." Brittany rubs her hands up and down the arms of the crying girl.

"I'm sorry." Santana sniffs burying her face into Brittany's neck.

"No, I'm sorry." Santana pulls away slightly and looks up at her with confusion. "You weren't ready, and I-I pushed you to come out and-"

Santana shuts her up with a kiss. "You didn't push me. I wanted to." She grabs her cheeks so they're staring at eachother. "I needed to."

Brittany kisses her again. "You don't need to do anything San." She brushes some hair out of the brunettes face. "You do things when you're ready."

Santana nods and pulls herself back into Brittany. Neither of them talked, they just stood moulded together, loving the close comfort of one another.

After a short while, Santana pulled away. Brittany had a disappointed look written over her face as the warmth of Santana left her body.

"I'm fine now baby. Thank you." Brittany kisses Santana as a 'you're welcome'.

Santana deepens the kiss and traces her toungue across Brittany's lips. The blonde parts her mouth so Santana can move her toungue into her mouth. Their toungues meet and battle against eachother lovingly. They make out for a few more minutes until they hear a clearing of the throat.

They pull away and see Rachel standing there with a red face. Brittany and Santana chuckle as the latina buries her face into Brittany's neck.

"Sorry I uh- I just needed the restroom." She replies awkwardly. Santana and Brittany make their way to the door when Rachel pipes up. "Puck left by the way." Santana turns around and nods in thanks. Rachel flashes her back a smile.

* * *

They head back into the room with Brittany holding Santana by the waist. She was still a little weak from the panick attack and was exhausted. Santana hadn't told her that but she knew her well.

"Go sit down baby." Brittany whispers in her ear. "We'll leave in a minute." She kisses the side of her head.

"I'm fine, we can stay." Santana lies. She wants nothing more than to go home and sleep but she doesn't want to ruin Brittany's night anymore than she already has.

"No you're not." Brittany counters. "I know you're doing this for me but to be honest I want to go home as well." She confesses. Santana raises an eyebrow at her so Brittany continues. "After Puck showed up it kinda dampened my whole mood."

"In that case we should probably go home then." Santana smirks playfully, happy that Brittany didn't list her panick attack as a reason she wanted to leave. That would've made her feel even more guilty.

Brittany bops Santana on the nose. "Go sit down and I'll say my goodbyes, then we can leave."

Santana nods and does as Brittany says. The blonde makes her way around the room apologising and thanking everyone for the night. No one questioned why she wanted to leave because they all understood and would've been shocked if they hadn't of gone home.

* * *

They drove back home, both being fine to drive as Brittany had half a shot and Santana drank nothing. Drunk driving was a complete no-no for the blonde. It brought back too many bad memories.

When they arrived, they quietly made their way back into the house. They walked through the hall into the kitchen and saw Maribel and Whitney watching tv on the couch.

"Hey moms." Brittany cheers causing them both to jump. Santana and Brittany started laughing but Whitney was quick to scold them.

"Quiet girls!" She warns. "Everyone else is asleep." She shakes her head at the two of them.

Santana bites her lip to keep from giggling. Whitney was never one to shout and everytime she did, she found it extremely hard not to laugh. Brittany could sense the laughter out of the corner of her eye and nudged Santana playfully to tell her to stop.

"Why are you girls back so soon?" Maribel glances at the clock on the wall. "It's only 11."

Santana was about to send Brittany a look to say 'please don't say anything' but Brittany spoke before she could, knowing exactly what her wife was thinking.

"I wasn't feeling too well." Technically she's not lying. Her mind had been in a lot of places and it made her not feel the greatest.

The whole Santana thing has made her extremely worried, she's stressed from work and the kids but she's also worried about her doctors appointment next week.

"I'm just worried about next week." Brittany bites her lip nervously.

"I know you are Britty." Whitney sympathises. "You have one every year and they always go well. You know what to expect and the results are always the same."

"I know but a lot can change." She mumbles looking down. "I don't want to get my hopes up, in case I'm suddenly unhealthy."

"If anything it's made you healthier." Whitney states. Brittany frowns at her puzzled. "I mean, you get the check ups every year, which means you're taking care of yourself. If anything were to show up, you would've caught it soon."

Brittany nods at her. "You're right." She shakes her head as if to wash away the worries. "I just need to keep myself busy."

"Not too busy though Britt." Santana warns, knowing that her wife will throw herself into whatever to keep her worries at bay.

"Not too busy." The blonde agrees, kissing Santana gently on the lips. She turns back to look at their moms. "I think we're going to head up to bed now."

"Yeah." Santana agrees. "Thank you for looking after the kids."

"That's what our grandma duties are for." Maribel says playfully, making Whitney laugh.

They said their goodnights and headed to their own bedrooms. Brittany and Santana got ready for bed and lied down cuddling eachother. They were both falling into sleep when Santana spoke up.

"Babe?" She calls quietly. Brittany makes a noise which Santana assumes is her listening. "I think I want to get back out there."

Suddenly more awake Brittany opens her eyes to look down at Santana, who's laying on her chest.

"What do you mean?" Brittany queries, massaging her fingers through Santana's hair.

"I'm not ready for work just yet but I need to start leaving the house if I ever want to work again." She explains, moaning in approval of what her wife is doing to her head.

"How about we start off with that picnic?"

Santana thinks about it for a moment before responding. "I think that's a great idea." She smiles. "Plus I think I've been driving Jet crazy. He could do with a few hours at the park."

"Can I talk to you about that?" Brittany asks hesitantly.

"You can talk to me about anything." Santana brings Brittany's free hand to hers and starts playing with her fingers.

"Why did you take his skateboard away from him?" Brittany thought that Santana had been too harsh with her punishment.

"Because he's been acting up for a while and doesn't listen to us." She explains. "He needs to understand that his actions have consequences."

"Yeah, you're right." Brittany sighs. Santana definitely handled the behavioural side of things better.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Santana kisses Brittany's hand.

"Of course you can." Brittany responds, wiggling her fingers in Santana's face, making her laugh.

"When he was saying how he didn't _try_ to roll down the stairs, he _did_ roll down the stairs?" Brittany nods, unsure of where Santana is going with this. "You started laughing." She pauses before continuing. "We need to show them that it's not fun and games. If you laugh then he'll want to do it again."

"You're right I'm sorry. It's just hard not to laugh." Brittany whines, laughing slightly.

"I know but we need to be on the same side." She feels Brittany nod against her. "But it was hilarious." She adds. They both start laughing again.

Once they stop Brittany decides to bring up the restroom incident. "Are you okay?"

Santana knows what she's referring to and answers without question. "I'm just tired. I mean, I was really scared before but I'm okay now."

"Let's try and get some sleep then." She tilts Santana's head towards her so she can bring her into a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too." Santana responds and reburies herself back into Brittany's side.

Brittany decides to stay awake until she knows that Santana is safe and asleep. When she feels her breathing even out, she lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

A single tear drop rolls from her eye. She was frightened. The panick attack scared the life out of her, she didn't know what she was doing and was on the verge of one herself.

She's scared about Santana, scared about how they're going to get back into the world, scared about her doctors appointment but most importantly scared that she's not good enough.

Her family are relying on her at the moment and after her talk with Santana her confindence about her parenting had cracked. The fact that she couldn't even discipline her own children hurt her.

How was she supposed to look after her children when she could barely take care of her wife? She can't even take care of herself at the moment. That's what is so worrying about this doctors appointment.

She has one every year to monitor her condition but she's petrified that if they find something she's not going to be able to look after her family.

She glances at the clock and sees that she's been in her head for over an hour. Sighing to herself she closes her eyes trying to sleep away the demons swimming through her mind.

**Hope you enjoyed! Have a lovely day!**


	17. Chapter 17- Calm Before The Storm

**Sunday (19th April 2020)**  
It's the final day of Santana having to rely on anti-depressants. To say everyone is worried would be an understatement. Brittany and Santana's parents have been watching her like a hawk. Santana couldn't take anymore, so she suggested they go on that picnic to Central Park. The weather was nice too, so it was even more perfect.

The family all agreed and went to go and get ready, except for the Pierce's as they had gone back to Lima last night. Brittany and Santana were now both ready, as they had just finished applying their makeup.

Brittany sits down onto the bed, watching Santana in the mirror as she applies foundation to her inner forearm. Brittany swallows the lump in her throat that had risen. She can't help but feel sad anytime she sees Santana's scars.

Santana looks up from covering her burn scars and sees Brittany staring at her with tears in her eyes. She turns around and joins Brittany on the bed.

"Hey," She starts softly. "Why are you crying?"

"Your scars just make me sad," Brittany admits, wiping her eyes.

"Sorry, I'll try to cover them up around you," Santana says kissing Brittany's cheek gently.

"No." Brittany holds onto Santana's arm and traces patterns along the flesh. "That's not what I meant." She gently touches Santana's cheek with her free hand. "I just don't like that you did them to yourself."

"I know," Santana sighs looking down. "I'm sorry."

"Hey," Brittany uses her hand to tilt Santana's face up to meet her gaze. "I know you're sorry. Please just promise me you'll never do it again. O-Or you'll tell me if you feel like doing it again." Brittany tears up all over again.

"I promise." Santana leans in and kisses Brittany's thin lips lovingly. She pulls away slowly, smiling goofily at Brittany. After a minute she sighs and turns away from her.

"What's up?" Brittany says turning Santana's face back to hers.

Santana bites her bottom lip in anticipation for what Brittany is going to say. "I-I was thinking of maybe like," Santana plays with the bottom of her shirt. "I don't know. Like maybe getting another tattoo."

Brittany lets out a chuckle. Santana raises her eyebrow at her to ask if she can explain. "I thought you were going to say something bad!" Brittany giggles. "I got so scared."

"So you wouldn't mind?" Santana asks to confirm.

"No, not at all." Brittany has a feeling of why Santana wants to get this tattoo. Even if she didn't have a reason Brittany wouldn't be bothered, but she wants to show her support for Santana. "Would it be to cover up your burns?"

"Yeah," Santana says gently. "I just don't want to have to see them every day and have them be a constant reminder of all of this, ya know?"

"Yeah." Brittany nods. "Do you have any ideas if what you want?"

Santana nods. "I wanted it to be something meaningful to me." She goes on to explain. "I want a lily at the top of my arm and have music notes on a staff come out of the center of the flower and reach down my arm."

"That sounds awesome." Brittany smiles and brings Santana's arm up to her face and kisses up and down it. "Are the music notes going to be random or from a song?"

"'Well, I've been afraid of changing, 'Cause I've built my life around you'" Santana sings softly. Her voice isn't as good as it used to be, because she hasn't sung in a long time, but it's still good. Brittany lets out a sob, Santana's smile disappears from her face and changes to worry. "What's wrong?"

"You sang." Brittany laughs through a cry. She's so happy that Santana has sung again. She can't remember the last time she heard her sing.

"Did I sound that bad?" Santana says, feeling embarrassed.

"No, no, no," Brittany assures her. "I'm just really happy to hear you're beautiful voice again." She lets more happy tears escape from her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I never felt like singing." Santana apologizes.

"Don't be sorry." Brittany kisses Santana on the lips. "I just missed your singing."

"I can't sing to you again," Santana says deadly serious. She watches Brittany's face fall and her bottom lip quivers. "Because I need to practice." She laughs when Brittany's face lights up again. "I sound like shit."

"No you sound beautiful." Brittany kisses her deeply and slips her tongue into Santana's parted mouth.

"Liar," Santana mumbles into the kiss.

"Maybe you're a little rusty," Brittany smirks and the two continue making out passionately.

"Girls! Are you ready to head out?" They hear being shouted downstairs by Maribel.

Santana and Brittany pull away from each other giggling like teenagers. "Coming!" Brittany shouts.

* * *

They all drove down to Central Park and parked along Central Park West near W 100th St. Santana and Brittany were holding Ava's hands and Antonio and Maribel were holding Isaac's hands. They both kept begging to be swung so obviously they were. They continued walking along until they reached the 100th St entrance. Isaac's face lit up when he saw The Tarr Family Playground so the children went to go play on there.

"Isaac! Wait for mommy!" Brittany shouts, letting go of Ava's hand and sprinting after him.

"Mi niño sure does give you two the runaround!" Maribel laughs and replaces where Isaac's hand used to be with Antonio's.

"Tell me about it." Santana sighs, giving Ava's hand a little squeeze.

They reach the playground and see Brittany trying to stop Isaac from going in the little water feature because they didn't bring any spare clothes.

"Isaac Cole do not-" She starts to command but he ignores her and runs through the water shooting out of the ground. "-go into the water."

Santana comes up behind her. She whispers in Ava's ear. "Go play Mija." She then stands back up straight and snakes her arms around Brittany's waist. "You tried." She pecks her cheek.

"He just doesn't listen." Brittany sighs. Their son's behavior is not good at all. He doesn't listen to a word they say and throws the loudest tantrums.

"I know baby." She places her chin on Brittany's shoulder. "Maybe we should just take his toys away as well as time-outs?"

"Like a package deal?" Brittany jokes.

"Yes. A package deal." Santana laughs. "Come on." Santana turns Brittany around. "Let's go sit down and watch Isaac terrorize other people's children."

Brittany laughs loudly as the two sit next to Santana's parents on a bench. They fall into a comfortable silence with the occasional small talk when a group of young adults starts creeping their way toward them.

"Are-Are you Brittany and Santana Lopez-Pierce?" The smaller one out of the four girls asks nervously.

"Yes, we are," Brittany says smiling at them.

"We're huge fans!" Another one with short, pink hair exclaims.

"We watched you guys perform with Mercedes Jones on her first tour and you killed it!" The tall blonde says.

"Thank you so much!" Brittany says cheerfully.

"We were so bummed when you didn't start a singing career after the tour." The pink-haired girl says to Santana.

"But we listen to you on Spice FM all the time." The blonde says cutting in. "We've missed hearing your voice though."

"I'm sorry guys," Santana says disappointedly. She had never once thought about how her break would affect her fans. She had also really wanted a singing career but decided to put that on hold because she wanted a family with Brittany. "Singing's definitely something I would be open to in the future though."

"Really?" The small girl asks excitedly. "That's awesome!"

Brittany looks at Santana with slight confusion. The girl had never mentioned having a singing career to her. She always said how singing was a hobby and wanted something else to be her main focus.

"Could we get a picture?" The only one who hadn't spoken asks.

"We need to watch our kids sorry girls," Brittany says sweetly.

Right on cue, Jet comes running over to them. "Mami, can I have my skateboard?"

"It's not safe with all of the other children Mijo." Santana answers.

He ignores her response and turns to his other mother. "Mommy, can I have my skateboard?"

"You heard you mami." Brittany states. "No. It's not safe." Isaac huffs and runs off to play again. A series of 'awws' are let out by the girls.

"How about autographs instead?" Santana suggests.

The four nod excitedly whilst Brittany and Santana write their autographs, addressing them to each of the girls.

"You girls have a nice day now!" Brittany cheers.

"Thank you, you too!" They start to walk away when the shy girl speaks up. "We hope to see you back out there soon." With that, they walk off.

"Remember, there's no pressure to get back out there," Brittany whispers in Santana's ear.

"Yeah, I know," Santana replies, giving a peck to Brittany's lips.

Brittany turns to talk to Maribel and Santana replays what the girls had said to her. _Back out there. _She gets her phone out of her back and sends a text message.

_Coffeine's tomorrow at 1?- Santana _

_Okay? Can I ask what this is about?_

_Can't explain right now. I will tomorrow.- Santana_

* * *

A little while later, they leave the playground and walk the short distance to The Pool and decide that it's a good place to have their picnic. They decide to sit on the little hill across from the little lake because Isaac and water is not a good combo. They lay down a few blankets and get themselves comfortable before sitting down.

Santana and Maribel get the food out and place it onto the blanket. Earlier they made potato salad, grilled corn salad, waffled chorizo-cheese quesadillas, hummus and grilled vegetable wraps, classic peanut butter and jelly sandwich, cookies, tarts, and homemade lemonade. There was plenty of food for everyone.

Everyone dug in and complimented Maribel and Santana on the food. It was really tasty. Maribel had learned how to cook from her mother, who learned from her mother, who learned from her mother and so on. Maribel had taught Santana how to cook to follow the tradition and saying the food was good was an understatement.

"Gracias mi amor," Santana clears her throat."Y Santanita. La comida es muy deliciosa." (Thank you my love, and Santanita. The food is very delicious.) Antonio smiles whilst taking another bite of potato salad.

"De nada Papi." (No problem Papi.) Santana replies taking a bite of her quesadilla. "Me encanta cocinar con Mami." (I love cooking with Mami.)

"¡Es algo positivo enseñé tú como cocinar!" (It's a good thing I taught you how to cook!) Maribel laughs, causing everyone else to laugh.

"Sí, algo muy positivo." (Yes, a very good thing.) Brittany teases. Brittany decided to learn Spanish because she wanted to be able to help raise the children bilingually and communicate with Santana's family in their native tongue. She wasn't completely fluent but she may as well be.

"Can I go feed the ducks?" Ava asks politely.

"No Mija," Santana says looking at her daughter's full plate. "You've barely touched your food."

"And you know the rule." Brittany cuts in with a smirk. "No feeding the duckies without Mommy."

"Can I have a cookie while I wait for you?" Isaac asks nicely. He had demolished his food within seconds of having it in front of him.

"Of course you can Jet." Brittany winks at him and reaches into the bag, pulling out the triple chocolate cookies. "But only one and no complaining." She warns. He nods quickly, itching to eat the cookie, she gives it to him and he inhales it in a matter of seconds.

Everyone had finished eating, including Ava and Santana. The months of not eating much had finally stopped and she got her appetite back. Santana and Brittany took their children down to the lake with the bread they brought for the ducks.

They watched as their kids threw the bread toward the ducks carefully. Brittany had shown them how to do it many times but it was her excuse to feed the ducks.

She turns around and walks back over to where Santana is standing a few feet away. She wraps her arm over her shoulder and Santana snuggles her head into the crook of her wife's neck as they gaze onto the water.

"Thank you for helping me leave the house." Santana mumbles.

"What are you talking about? It was your idea silly." Brittany playfully taps Santana on the nose.

"Thank you for helping me get the confidence to leave the house." Santana rephrases what she wanted to say. "Thank you for standing by me and supporting me an-and forgiving me and for loving me." Santana tears up and kisses Brittany's collar bone.

"That's what I'm here for," Brittany says sweetly. "I'm here to stand by you and support you, to forgive you and definitely to love you," Brittany kisses the top of Santana's head. "You're my person."

"You're my person too." Santana leans up and captures Brittany's lips with hers. It was a short and sweet kiss but it was full of love and comfort.

They pull away, smiling at each other and Santana rests her head back in Brittany's neck. They stand in a comfortable silence until the sound of a camera snapping brings them out of their daze. They look up to see Maribel pointing at them with a phone and a goofy grin on her face.

"Mijas you're too adorable." Maribel gushes, making Santana blush.

Brittany's phone vibrates in her pocket and she sees that Maribel has sent her two photos. She opens the message and is met with the photo she just took of them and a photo of the two of them kissing in front of the lake. Brittany smiles a big grin and tucks her phone away.

"I love you," Brittany whispers into Santana's ear.

"I love you too." Santana brings Brittany's free hand to her lips and kisses it, conjoining their hands. They hear another camera snap and see Maribel again with her phone.

"Lo siento." (Sorry.) She says sheepishly. "I just couldn't help myself."

Brittany gets another text from Maribel with the newly captured photo with the caption.

_You're welcome ;)_

Brittany looks up at Maribel who is grinning devilishly. She mouths a 'thank you' to her.

She looks back to her children, who are still feeding the ducks, and sighs contently. This has been the perfect day. Maybe everything will finally get back to normal.

**Sorry for not updating last week. School is being a bitch. Also sorry if my Spanish isn't completely accurate, I'm not fluent I'm just learning the language. Anyways hope you enjoyed, have a nice day!**


	18. Chapter 18- Sneaking

**Choreography used in this chapter from the youtube video "Finesse - Bruno Mars ft. Cardi B / May J Lee X Austin Pak Choreography". Go check it out.**

**Monday 12 pm (20th April 2020)**

Santana had just finished getting ready to head out to Coffeine. Coffeine was her favorite coffee shop in all of New York. Scrap that, it was her favorite coffee shop in the world. The coffee beans used are so strong they're literally pure caffeine, hence the name.

Brittany and her parents would disapprove of her going there to get coffee, especially now that she's recovering. Luckily for her, Santana has a therapy session scheduled for 1 pm. She's going to skip the session and reschedule it for after her lunch meeting.

Brittany was currently teaching a dance class. She had taken the kids to school this morning and had been teaching classes since. Maribel and Antonio had gone out for a few hours in the morning, leaving Santana alone with her thoughts.

Being alone is tricky. She constantly wants to be left alone but doesn't want to be on her own. Negative feelings and thoughts consume her and leave her with a trapped, suffocating feeling.

Santana waltzes down the stairs and into the kitchen where her parents are sitting down having a drink.

"I'm gonna head out then," Santana says motioning for the door.

"Okay Mija, just be careful driving into the city," Antonio gets up from his seat and kisses her on the head.

"Santanita, are you sure you're alright driving?" Maribel asks worriedly. "Because I can always take you."

"Mami, I'm fine," Santana says and leans over to kiss her mother on the cheek. "I'll call you or Papi if I need you."

"Okay," Maribel nods, feeling a bit better. Santana leaving the house worries her to death. Every time she goes, Maribel is scared she's never going to see her again. But who can blame her?

"Love you both," Santana kisses each of them on the cheek. "See you later!" She calls over her shoulder, exiting the kitchen. She hears a "Love you too" as she leaves the house.

* * *

**12:45pm**

She's just arrived at Coffeine and makes her way inside. She just got a text from her lunch date, saying that she'll be here in any minute. Santana makes her way over to her usual table and opens the Coffeine app on her phone.

One of her favorite things about this shop is that they have an app; you can order from anywhere and pick it up at the store. Or in Santana's case, you can order and input your table number and they'll bring your coffee to you. She orders her usual, an iced latte, and thinks about how much trouble she's going to be in with Brit; at the minute she doesn't even care.

"Santana, what is the purpose of this little rendezvous?"

"Good afternoon to you too Berry," Santana smirks at Rachel. "Why don't you take a seat?"

Brittany was running over some choreography with Mike before her 1 pm advanced hip hop class. This week she decided to bring Mike in and do a partnered dance. She hasn't posted anything on her youtube channel "Fondue For Two" in ages.

Her channel consists of everything. She makes interview videos, dance videos, in class, with friends and by herself, she does vlogs and Santana even posts on there sometimes. She's gained quite the viewing, as she has over 10million subscribers. She doesn't like to think of youtube as a job. She doesn't like to label herself as a 'YouTuber' or a 'creator'. It's more of a hobby for her and outlet to post her dance videos.

"Okay, so I was thinking we should teach everyone the dance then pick the best four people to join us for the majority of the video," Brittany says to Mike as he nods along. "Then we'll get everyone else into groups to just do the chorus."

"That sounds good," Mike smiles. "Do you want me to teach all the boys and you teach the girls?"

"No," Brittany shakes her head. That's not how she does things around here. "I let them pick if they want to dance more feminine or masculine."

"What if there's an uneven amount?" Mike asks whilst doing a few body pops.

"There won't be," Brittany does a few spins. "There are girls who do the masculine dances and boys who do the feminine dances, so it evens out." Mike nods at her just as people start to enter the studio.

"Welcome welcome my lovely dancers!" Brittany cheers as everyone continues to walk in. When she greets everyone they respond with their own greeting back to her. After everyone's in the studio, she closes the door and makes her way towards Mike at the front of the class.

"So, I bet you're all wondering why Mike is here today," Brittany starts, earning a few mumbles of agreement. "Let's ask him." Brittany turns to Mike comedically. "Why are you here today Mike?"

Mike straightens himself up playfully. "Why thank you for asking Brittany," He turns back to the class. "I'm here to help you teach a special partner routine." This causes the class to murmur in excitement.

Brittany claps her hands, excitedly and momentarily thinks about Mr. Schuester and his clapping ways. "I want you guys to partner up and have one of you be the masculine dancer and one of you the feminine dancer. Go!" The class hurry into pairs. There's thirty of them in the class meaning everyone is in a pair and no one is left out.

"Okay, Britt and I will demonstrate the dance first, then we'll teach it to you," Mike explains.

"Oh, and did we forget to mention that we're making a video?" Brittany says teasingly making the class once again go into a state of excitement.

"All of you better be on your A-game if you want to be dancing alongside Britt and me," Mike says warningly as the opening to Finesse by Bruno Mars ft. Cardi B starts. Mike sits back and lets Brittany start first for the Cardi rap.

_Drop top Porsche, Rollie on my wrist,  
diamonds up and down my chain (ha, ha!)  
Cardi B, straight stuntin', can't tell me nothin'  
Bossed up and I changed the game (you see me)  
It's my big Bronx boogie, got all them girls shook  
My big, fat ass got all them boys hooked  
I went from dollar bills, now we poppin' rubber bands  
Bruno sang to me while I do my money dance like  
Aye, flexin' on the gram like (aye!)  
Hit the Lil Jon, okay (okay), okay (okay)  
Oh, yeah we drippin' in finesse, getting paid (ow!)_

Brittany does each move perfectly, she hits every beat full of confidence and poise. She flows through the movements effortlessly and earns a few cheers and claps when she performs a cool move. Although every move she dances is awesome. She ends her solo part of the dance doing a falling dab, even though she hates dabbing, as does the class, it actually works really well and isn't cringe. On the final line of Cardi's rap, Mike walks up behind Brittany and does a spin ready to start his part when Bruno sings.

_Ooh, don't we look good together?  
There's a reason why they watch all night long (all night long)  
Yeah, I know we'll turn heads forever  
So tonight I'm gonna show you off_

Like Brittany, Mike pulls the first part of the dance off perfectly. His dance involves a lot of footwork and a few flowy hands movements. They've choreographed the routine so that a lot of the moves match the fast background beat and it works really well. They also included a bunch of moves that give the dance and old school vibe, much like the song.

_When I'm walkin' with you (when I'm walkin' with you)  
I watch the whole room change (I watch the whole room change)  
Baby, that's what you do (baby, that's what you do)  
No, my baby don't play (no)  
Blame it on my confidence  
Oh, blame it on your measurements  
Shut that shit down on sight  
That's right_

The dance sort of cooled off slightly to match the tempo of the song. Mike continued to perform flawlessly, even doing the running man at one point. On the penultimate line is where Mike stopped the quicker movements in preparation for the chorus of the song. At this point Brittany walked back over and stood in front of Mike, placing her hand on his shoulder. They move to the few beats in sync before the chorus starts.

_We out here drippin' in finesse  
It don't make no sense  
Out here drippin' in finesse  
You know it, you know  
We out here drippin' in finesse  
It don't make no sense  
Out here drippin' in finesse  
You know it, you know it_

They dance around each other, doing lots of complicated foot movements. They continue to earn cheers and hoots when they do this because it just looks so awesome. They perform each of the moves and finish off the chorus back to back pointing at the class.

_Fellas, grab your ladies if your lady fine  
Tell her she the one, she the one for life  
Ladies, grab your fellas and let's do this right  
If you're on one like me and mine  
Yeah we got it goin' on, got it goin' on  
Don't it feel so good to be us, ay?  
Yeah we got it goin' on, got it goin' on  
Girl, we got it goin' on  
Yeah we got it goin' on, got it goin' on  
Don't it feel so good to be us, ay?  
Yeah we got it goin' on, got it goin' on_

Brittany slides around Mike's body and under his arm, where he drops his elbow the same time Brittany drops her chest down. She goes onto the floor as Mike performs another solo bit. When he's finished, Brittany stands up and the two do the running man together before cocking their hips to the side and twisting their feet about. They step to the side, with Brittany in front of Mike, and do a little hip swivel. They finish off the dance by doing steps in opposite directions and when the lyric 'ay' is sung they slide back towards each other. They walk circles around each other and when there's a double beat, Brittany crouches down in front of Mike as they both clap twice. They freestyle the rest of the lyrics and end the dance by pointing at everyone again.

The students erupt into a fit of applause and cheers. They mutter a few 'that was so cool's and 'it was so good's.

"Okay, so are you ready to learn it?" Brittany asks trying to catch her breath. The class scream out a yes in response. "If you're doing the masculine bit head on over to Mike and if you're doing the feminine bit come to me." The pairs go over to their respective sides ready to learn the choreo.

"You've probably noticed that Tina isn't here," Mike starts. "That's because we aren't filming until this Thursday."

"Yeah," Brittany agrees. "We'll get the choreography down today and I'll tell you what clothes to bring for the video."

Tina is a photographer and videographer. She pursued it as a career and now has her own business. She's very good, so Brittany hires her to film videos for her.

"Let's get started!" Mike cheers as he claps his hands.

* * *

**Previously...**

"I already ordered, hope you don't mind," Santana says just as the waiter brings over her coffee.

"Santana, why am I here?" Rachel sighs as she sits down across from Santana.

"Because I want to talk about your rent audition," Santana confesses.

Rachel frowns at her, confused as to why she wants to talk about it. At Brittany's birthday meal she basically told Rachel to never mention it to her.

"Why?" Rachel asks suspiciously.

"God you ask so many questions," Santana rolls her eyes. "I'll tell you after you talk to me about it."

Rachel is still suspicious but hides it away because someone other than Kurt is interested in her audition. "Well, it's not for broadway." Rachel starts to explain as Santana drinks her coffee. "Aren't you supposed to be banning caffeine?"

"Yes," Santana shrugs taking another long sip.

"Don't you think Coffeine is the worst place to come then?" Rachel says frowning at Santana.

"Rachel!" Santana groans out of frustration. "I am really trying here." She sighs. "You're not my mother, stop acting like it."

Rachel bites her bottom lip and nods. "You're right, I'm sorry." She looks at the other brunette momentarily. "I won't tell Brittany about this either. Anything of this." She reassures.

Santana looks up and meets her eyes. She gives her a weak smile and mutters, "Thank you," Rachel responds with a smile back. "Now, tell me about this not-broadway audition."

Rachel's eyes light up and she starts explaining. "Oh yeah! Okay, so it's not on Broadway, it's like a televised production thingy by Fox. I was a bit hesitant to go for it because we all know what happened the last time I worked with Fox." Santana nods, laughing slightly as she remembers 'That's so Rachel'. "It's all very new and they haven't cast anyone yet but there's talk of some big names auditioning."

"Oh really? Who?" Santana asks excitedly. Though she'll never admit it, Santana does love a good musical. She used to watch them when she was younger all the time and would perform them for her family. The only person that knows about that is Brittany. When Brittany first went round there as her girlfriend and not the best friend, Maribel made it her mission to embarrass Santana. She pulled out old videotapes of Santana singing along to Grease and Annie.

"Vanessa Hudgens is supposedly auditioning for Maureen too. Tinashe is auditioning for Mimi and Valentina from RuPaul's drag race is meant to audition for Angel." Rachel says and realizes something as she says it. "Wait weren't you on that season?"

"Yes, I was. I've met Valentina and she was sweet to me." Santana says remembering her time as a guest judge on RuPaul's drag race. Santana had done a spot of acting over the years as well as being a radio host and it was one of her favorite things in the world. She loved the idea of stepping into a fantasy world and being a new person. It was an important creative outlet for her. However, she hasn't done any acting in a while now.

"I almost forgot! Todrick Hall is auditioning for Angel too!" Rachel cheers. Todrick is a good friend to Rachel, Brittany, and Santana. Brittany and Todrick met through youtube when they filmed a collab video together. Santana met him through Brittany and Rachel had met him on an audition. They were quite close now.

"He'd be perfect for it!" Santana says, imagining Todrick as Angel.

"He really would," Rachel agrees, watching Santan have another long gulp of coffee.

She sets the coffee down and asks Rachel another question, "How did you get the audition anyway?"

"They actually contacted me. Well, my agent but still," Rachel half-brags.

"That means you have a good shot," Santana encourages. "The fact that they contacted _you _means they've thought about how you would be as Maureen."

"I guess," Rachel replies unsure. "I just don't want to jinx anything. The audition isn't for a while yet anyway. They still need to sort a few things out."

"At least you have more time to prepare," Santana says, finding a positive in this situation. Even though her and Rachel don't see eye-to-eye a lot of the time, Santana knows Rachel. And she knows that the girl doesn't like a big build-up to things.

"Now that I've told you about my audition, you can answer my question. Why am I really here?" Rachel asks, looking into Santana's eyes.

"I want an audition!" Santana blurts out, looking down.

Rachel is taken aback by what Santana just said. She wants an audition? Is she trying to sabotage her?

"You want an audition?" Rachel asks just to make sure she heard her correctly.

"Yeah, I want an audition." She replies a bit more confidently. "Not for Maureen." She clarifies. "For Mimi."

Rachel sighs. "Santana are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, you've seen Rent, don't you think that Mimi's character might trigger something for you?"

"I'm not a heroin addict Rachel," Santana snaps.

"No I'm not saying you are," She expresses. "I'm just saying that doing a project this big right now, as a character that is an addict, might be a little too much for you and out of your comfort zone."

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do," Santana barks. She hears Rachel sigh and softens her tone. "Look, I didn't mean to get angry but I'm going to get angry if you baby me and act like you know what's good for me."

"Santana, that's not what I'm doing and you know it. I'm just trying to look out for you," She reaches over the table and holds Santana's hand. "Believe or not but I really care about you. You're my friend."

"You're my friend too," She mumbles, avoiding looking at Rachel but she knows that she's got a massive grin on her face. "Please just do this for me. I want to move on."

Rachel contemplates it for a moment and sighs. "Fine," Santana looks up at Rachel excitedly. "But if you manage to get the audition _and _get the part, you have to promise me you'll quit if it gets too much."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Santana jumps out of her chair and gives Rachel a big hug. "I promise you." Rachel looks in Santana's eyes and sees nothing but glee and honesty.

"Okay then," Rachel then matches her smile. "This is going to be so awesome if we both get the part!" Santana just nods in agreement and pulls Rachel into another hug.

They pull away and Santana takes her seat again. Santana finishes her coffee and they decide to go out for a late lunch together. They head to the Milkbar and take a seat by the window, so they can look outside.

"I just need to send a quick text," Santana says whilst fishing her phone out of her purse.

[To 'Familia' groupchat]  
_Mami y Papi, Therapy got canceled, so I'm going to reschedule for later. Went to get a drink and bumped into Rachel, so we've gone for lunch. I'll text you when I'm on my way home. Xx_

She doesn't bother to wait for a response and puts her phone face down on the table. A moment later a waitress comes over and asks for their order.

"I'll have a honey and lemon tea and the sweet potato and cauliflower lentil bowl," Rachel smiles and places the menu down.

"I'll just have water and an avocado bagel," Santana says, making Rachel frown.

The waiter nods and walks away to give the order to the chef, giving Rachel the opportunity to question Santana. "What did you have for breakfast?"

"I didn't why?" Santana asks confused as to where that question has come from.

"You need to eat something more than a bagel," Rachel frowns. After finding out about Santana's eating habits, Rachel has been feeling guilty. Don't get her wrong though, asking Santana about her eating isn't so she can clear her guilty conscious. She actually wants to help.

"I'm not that hungry. I think all of the food yesterday has caught up to me," Santana laughs and playfully pats her belly, oblivious of to why Rachel is so concerned. She looks at Rachel and sees that she's not smiling, she looks really sad. "What?"

"I don't want you to punish yourself by not eating," Rachel says letting a tear slip out of her eye.

"Listen to me okay?" Santana wipes Rachel's tear and waits for her to nod. "I promise you that's not what I'm doing anymore. I've spoken about it in therapy and yesterday we went out for a picnic and I literally ate my body weight in food." Santana laughs to lighten the mood. "My body wasn't ready for that much food, so I promise you I'm not eating a lot because I'm just not hungry. Okay?"

Rachel nods and smiles. "Okay," She looks at Santana a minute before continuing. "I don't want you to die." She blurts out causing Santana to sigh. A lone tear falls out of her eye. Santana lets out a small chuckle through her tears. "What?"

"That's what Finn said to me in high school when everything with the ad happened," Santana wipes her eyes with her sleeve. "God, he was such a nice person. I was so mean to him and he still cared about me."

"He forgave you, you know?" Rachel says, wiping her own tears. "After lady music week, he was at my house and said to me 'I understand why she was so mean to everyone. I forgive her for what she's said to me, do you think she'll forgive me for outing her?' I told him you would."

"I did forgive him. He had the guts to do what I didn't," Santana sniffs through a smile. They fall into a comfortable silence, wiping their tears away. "I don't want to die." Santana clarifies. "I'd miss me too much." She smiles and Rachel starts laughing.

Santana looks up to the sky and winks. She reaches behind her ear as she winks, touching the two little drum sticks she had tattooed.

* * *

"That was really good guys!" Brittany claps as the final run-through of the dance was over. "Mike and I have been watching you and we've discussed the order of the video."

"Dancing alongside us we would like," Mike pauses for effect as the dancers bang their hands on the floor for a drum roll. He pushes his hands to the side to signal them to stop. "Hazel." Everyone claps for Hazel.

"Leon," Brittany says. Everyone claps for Leon, just like they did for Hazel. "You two are going to pair up."

"Aubrey and Franco are going to be the next pair," Mike finishes off.

"You two will be doing the full dance alongside us. There's a little bit extra we need to teach you because on one of the beats you guys drop while we dance." Brittany explains.

"Then everyone else who wants to be in the video can do the chorus part, or the masculine solo or the feminine solo. We'll discuss it more on Thursday." Mike reaches down for his water and takes a sip.

"I'll send out an email regarding what clothes to wear," Brittany looks up at the time. "We'll see you on Thursday! Remember your cooldowns!" She shouts as everyone leaves. Hazel once again stays behind. Brittany puts on her best fake smile. "How can I help you?"

"I just wanted to thank you for the place in your video and to apologize again for the other week," Hazel says nervously.

"Let's just forget about it now," Brittany suggests. "But, if you ever demand information about my personal life again, I will ban you from my class."

"I know! Thank you!" Hazel says quickly as Brittany glares at Mike. He's backing away slowly and comically.

"That's alright. Now leave so I can call my wife!" Brittany says playfully. After Hazel leaves, Brittany turns to Mike. "Really?" She laughs at him.

He picks his jacket off the floor and heads towards the door. "I gotta go meet Tina for lunch but I'll see you after."

"Bye!" She calls as he leaves. She gets her phone from the docking station on the speaker and dials Santana's number. "Hey, baby!"

"Hey, Britt!" Santana replies.

"How was therapy?" She asks as she sits down and has a drink of water.

"Annabeth had to cancel so I went for a drink and ran into Rachel. We're getting lunch and then I'll reschedule my appointment."

"Okay, tell Rachel I said hi," Brittany says, slightly confused that Santana is out with Rachel. She brushes it off and continues the conversation. "And please do reschedule because I want to know her opinion of NA."

"I know you do," Santana sighs. "I just don't think a twelve-step is what I need."

"I know baby, I just want to explore all the options,"

"Anyway," Santana changes the subject, causing Brittany to roll her eyes. "How was class?"

"It was good. We're getting Tina to film for us on Thursday," Brittany chirps excitedly.

"Your subscribers will be so happy," Santana says, feeling guilty that Brittany has put her career on hold for Santana.

"I know! I'm really excited! I quite like the dance too, I'm glad I've got Mike to help me."

"It'll be awesome babe," Brittany hears rustling on the other end of the phone. "I have to go now Britt, the food just came."

"Okay," Brittany pouts. "Call me when you get home."

"I will do," Santana assures. "I love you."

"I love you too." Brittany hangs up the phone. She gets an uneasy feeling but she can't explain it. She brushes it off for now and gets ready for her next dance class. It's probably nothing, right?

**I'm really bad at updating oopsie :p Hope you enjoyed anyways!**


	19. Chapter 19- Drunk Driver

**Some stuff might not be entirely accurate in this chapter as I'm no doctor and have no idea what really happens in this situation. Sorry :3**

**Tuesday 8 am (21st April)**

Brittany closed the front door and placed her keys in the bowl next to the door. She had just gotten back from the school run and was getting ready to mentally prepare herself for her doctor's appointment.

She lets her head fall against the back of the door and lets out a shaky sigh. Her nerves are through the roof and she's just about ready to crumble. Before she can allow herself to break down, she feels something rubbing against her legs. Brittany looks down at her ankles and sees that Sir Puddington the III is nuzzling his head on Brittany's legs. She bends down and picks him up cuddling him close to her.

"Hewwo Pudding," She coos and lets a tear slip into his fur. "You're just the cutest thing in the world."

"You okay baby?" Santana emerges from the hallway towards the kitchen.

"I'm fine," Brittany sniffs, not taking her eyes off of the kitten.

"Britt..." Santana sighs. She knows how Brittany gets around the time of her doctor's appointment. She cowers into herself and builds up these walls to protect herself from any bad news.

"I'm taking a shower," Brittany says, placing Puddington on the floor gently and watching him scramble away. "I didn't get a chance to this morning." She brushes past Santana and starts to walk up the stairs.

"I'm here if you want to talk," Santana says sincerely. "I love you." She adds when Brittany ignores her words.

Brittany stops slightly and mumbles an 'I love you too' over her shoulder quietly; Santana heard it and smiled to herself.

* * *

Brittany is standing in the shower and staring into space with millions of worries swimming around in her head. She barely even notices the warm water cascading over her body because there are just too many things that could go wrong today.

What if they find something serious like a tumor? What if they find out she's going to die? What if they find some untreatable condition? What if they find out her communication issues are going to get worse? What if they find out that she's gotten even more stupid? What if Santana stops loving her because of whatever they find? What if she can no longer take care of her kids? There are too many thoughts and not enough room in her brain.

She lets out a loud sob and crumbles to the floor of the shower. She doesn't notice the bathroom door opening or the tan arms wrapping around her until she hears the words of affection,

"It's okay, it's okay," At her wife's words, Brittany crumbles further into her embrace, her body still shaking with sobs. "Everything will be okay."

"You-You don't k-know that," Brittany manages to get out between breaths. Santana sighs and pulls Brittany further into her arms. She knows she can't lie to the girl no matter how much the truth could upset her.

"You're right I don't," Brittany slowly turns her head up to meet Santana. "But, what I do know is that no matter what happens you're going to have the support of so many people." Santana kisses Brittany's tears away and ignores the fact that she's fully clothed and being soaked by the shower. "I love you. Ava loves you. Isaac loves you. Your parents love you. My parents love you. Ashley loves you. Quinn, Sam, Mike, Kurt, Blaine..." She lists off looking Brittany deeply in the eyes. "They all love you. So, no matter what the results are, you'll have plenty of people to fall back on."

Brittany nods taking it all in. She manages to control her crying to just simple sniffs but her breathing was still ragged. "Thank you," She kisses Santana on the lips. "I love you too."

"There's no need to thank me, baby. It's in our nature to look after one another no matter how stubborn they're being," Santana teases making Brittany smile. "What do you say we finish off this shower?"

"Together?" Brittany says and rubs her eyes.

"I've basically already had one," Santana rolls her eyes playfully making Brittany look down to see her wet clothes. Her cheeks turn a bright pink and she looks away shyly.

"Sorry," She rubs the back of her neck coyly.

"We're not doing that," Santana scolds. "What did I just say?"

"We care about each other because it's in our nature," Brittany repeats whilst a small smile tugs at the corners of her lips.

"Right," Santana nods happily. "Now let's get _washed up_." She says in a ghetto voice making Brittany laugh.

* * *

**9:30 am**

Brittany and Santana were sat in the radiology department waiting room at the hospital. Their appointment wasn't until 10 am but they like to arrive earlier. Brittany had received comforting messages from her family. It didn't help to ease her nerves but it did make her feel more warm and happy.

"Baby, you're leg," Santana places her hands on Brittany's to stop it from bouncing. She didn't even realize it was bouncing because of how in her head she was. "Remember what I said earlier."

"I know, I'm just really nervous," She sighs and places her head in her hands. Before Santana can respond her phone goes off. Brittany smiles sheepishly and presses answer on her phone.

"_Hey Britt!_" Quinn chirps into the phone.

"Hey Q. What's up?" Brittany tries to keep her voice calm as she answers her friend.

"_Artie, Mercedes, and Sam are in town to film something for Mercedes' new song; we're all going out to get brunch after. Do you and San want to come?" _Brittany's appointment will be done by then, but she just knows that she's going to be too stressed to go out.

"We'd love to but we can't," Brittany looks over to San, who's eyeing her quizzically, and gives her a look that says 'I'll explain later'. "I um- I have my CT scan today."

"_Oh okay, I hope it goes well and you're alright," _Quinn says softly.

"Thanks, me too," Brittany sighs. Quinn doesn't respond though. She can hear lots of mumbling, so she brings the phone away from her ear to see if the call is still connected, which it is. "Quinn? You there?"

"_Um, Britt?_" Quinn says guiltily.

"Yeah?"

"_I forgot you were on speaker and um- I'm kinda with everyone now,_" Quinn says quickly and you can practically feel the heat coming off her face through the phone.

Brittany thinks for a second and scrunches her face up whilst closing her eyes. "I-I..." She can't even think of the right words to say. She hates talking about it and has tried so hard to keep it a secret from everyone; now that she thinks about it, why is she keeping it a secret? "You know what? I don't even care."

"_A-Are you sure?_" Quinn asks shocked, this is something really important to Brittany. "_You should be the one to tell them_."

"I don't think I would be able to," She sighs. "I-I would mess up all the words, I'd forget what I was trying to say then I'd get frustrated, ugh," She groans. "Then it'd be a whole breakdown-"

"_Okay, okay_," Quinn says soothingly to calm Brittany down just as Santana places her hand on Brittany's thigh calmingly. She has no idea what the phone call is about but it's making her sad because her wife is getting more frustrated and anxious.. "_I'll tell them_."

"Thanks," At this moment a man comes out and calls Brittany's name. "Q I gotta go now."

"_Alright, try to keep calm and take deep breaths okay?" _

_"_Yeah," Brittany stands up, like Santana, and follows the doctor.

"_Love you, Britt," _Quinn says.

"Love you too,"

Quinn hangs up the phone and slowly turns around to see Rachel, Blaine, Tina, Mercedes, Jesse, Marley, Jake and Artie all with questioning looks on their faces.

"Why's Britt having a CT scan?" Blaine asks, not removing his questioning eyes from Quinn.

"She's finally getting her brain looked at," Artie smirks and teases, making everyone laugh except for Sam, Kurt, Mike, and Quinn.

"About time," Rachel snickers.

Brittany has had to deal with people calling her stupid since everything happened; pretty much her whole life. People who don't like her make fun of her but it's heartbreaking when it comes from the people closest to her.

"That's it!" Mike shouts, causing everyone to jump. Mike has never once raised his voice, he barely talks anyway. Everyone realizes the seriousness though as they all look to him with shocked expressions. "I'm sick of you all making fun of Britt!"

"Mike don't-" Kurt starts as he places his arm on him.

"No Kurt," Sam cuts him off. "Mike's right. It's time you all stop treating her like shit!" He folds his arms angrily. "It's not even her fault!"

"Sam stop! Britt doesn't want them to know!" Kurt says, matching Sam's angry tone.

"Can you all stop?!" Tina shouts, everyone heads turn at her. "What in the hell is happening right now?"

"Why is everyone shouting?" Marley whispers in Jake's ear.

"Kurt it's fine," Quinn ignores what Tina said. "Britt doesn't care anymore."

"Are you sure? Because I've had enough of everyone being like this," Sam cuts in the current conversation.

"Yes I'm sure," Quinn reiterates. She then turns to face everyone else and puts her HBIC face on. "I'm only going to say this once. Don't cut off any of us when we speak. No questions until after. And I really hope you all feel guilty." She adds and smirks to herself when she sees their fear.

Sam looks to Quinn and gives him a nod to start the story. "When Britt was 8 she was in a car accident,"

* * *

_"Are you excited to show mommy and baby Ashley the picture you drew today?" Pierce asks as he looks at his daughter in the backside through the mirror. _

_"Uh-huh," She nods excitedly whilst biting her carrot sticks. "Miss Summers said it was really good." She says with a big smile on her face then goes back to eating her after school snack._

_"Miss Summers said you also got all of your multiplications right," He says proudly. His daughter was so smart, top of her class actually. She was always coming home with great report cards, amazing projects, notes from her teacher and she often had a lot of phone calls. "I think that deserves some ice cream after dinner, right?"_

_"YES!" Little Brittany cheers and bounces in her seat anxious to get home. As she did this she dropped her carrot sticks on the floor. "Daddy," Her pout begins to form. "My carrot sticks fell." She says sadly. _

_"Sorry Britty," He says sympathetically. "I can't get them right now." He places his hand behind the passenger seat and tries to feel for them but he can't get them without taking his eyes off the road. _

_"B-But I did well," She states as her bottom lip begins to quiver._

_Pierce looks to his daughter in the mirror then back out to the road ahead. There isn't a car in sight and the roads are very clear. He knows that there's a t-junction coming up so he'll have to be quick. He quickly turns backward and finds the carrot sticks on the floor in front of Brittany. He picks them up and gives them to her, making her sad pout turn into a giant smile and he quickly matches her grin._

_His smile falters when he looks out the window and sees that they've already reached the t-junction and there's a truck zooming their way. His instincts kick in and he reaches for his daughter and undoes her seatbelt. He quickly pulls her into him slightly and tells her to close her eyes. He's in such an awkward position and he can't really move anywhere. He whispers 'I love you' into Brittany's ear and closes his eyes waiting for the impact. The next time he opened them he was in the hospital._

"Wha-What happened after that?" Rachel says trying to keep her tears at bay but fails much like everyone else in the room.

"What did I say, Rachel?" Quinn sighs and wipes her eyes. Rachel sends an apologetic look her way.

"She almost died," Mike says continuing the story. "Her body was literally broken, she still has scars on her torso, she was bleeding internally, her lung was punctured and she was pretty much dead."

"She also had a serious head injury," Kurt sniffs and fiddles with the hem of his shirt. "That's why she is the way that she is."

"What do you mean?" Mercedes asks even though she thinks she knows what Kurt is getting at.

"She has brain damage," Quinn says and lets another wave of tears flow out.

Sam's anger from before starts to rise again. "So just remember for over 10 years you've been making fun of a mentally disabled person for being stupid," Sam snaps, knowing Britt hates when he calls it that.

Everyone is silent for a while. There isn't really anything to say. How do you react when you're told your best friend has brain damage? Quinn, Mike, Kurt, and Sam watch the others as years of guilt wash over their faces. The silence continues until Blaine speaks up,

"So you all knew?" He says pointing to them.

"Yeah," Quinn shrugs. "Before you get angry, she told us not to say anything and told us when she was comfortable. I guess she didn't feel comfortable with you guys knowing." She adds.

"I mean- I know this isn't my business, but how did she tell you all?" Jesse asks hesitantly.

"I found out when I met her," Quinn says and starts to explain the story.

* * *

_A 10-year-old Quinn sits on the monkey bars waiting for Santana to come to recess. She's taking longer than usual. Finally, she spots the little Latina run from across the yard with a tall blonde behind her. _

_"What took you so long San?" Quinn huffs and jumps from the monkey bars to meet her best friend. _

_"I found us a new friend." Santana shrugs and points to the tall girl next to her._

_"I'm Brittany," She waves shyly and turns a bright shade of red. Santana places her hand on the girl's arm reassuringly. _

_"You don't have to be scared," Santana comforts the blond, making Quinn raise an eyebrow. _

_"Well," Quinn decides to shrug it off. "I'm Quinn, nice to meet you." She extends her hand to shake Brittany's. Brittany stares at the hand quizzically. "You're meant to take my hand."_

_"Oh, sorry," Brittany blushes and proceeds to hold Quinn's hand and try and pull it towards her. "I can't take it." She pouts and lets Quinn's hand go. _

_Quinn looks at Santana confusedly. This girl can't be serious. Judging by the look on Santana's face, she's deadly serious. The Latina is giving Quinn the death glare. "That's okay Britt," Santana says, still glaring at Quinn. "Don't be mean to Britt," Santana warns. "She can't help it."_

_"Yeah," Brittany nods sadly. "My brain is broken." She pouts and looks at the floor._

_"She was in a car crash," Santana explains and Quinn forms an 'o' with her mouth, understanding the situation. _

_"That doesn't matter Britt," Quinn smiles, making Brittany look up at her. "We can still be friends."_

* * *

"She goes to neuropsychological assessments and she works on the damage done," Sam explains. "Her symptoms aren't as bad as they were but she still struggles with certain stuff."

Kurt nods at him. "Yeah, like she can't concentrate very well, she doesn't have very good social cues but she's gotten a lot better at that, she takes things literally, she doesn't have the best common sense, she has trouble expressing her words, her reading and spelling isn't very good and she gets extremely frustrated with herself." Kurt lists off numerous of Brittany struggles.

"That's how she ended up telling me," Mike says.

* * *

_Mike and Brittany were going over a routine they choreographed for Mr. Schue and Brittany had a really good idea. _

_"So, what if we..." Brittany pauses and thinks of the move she wants. She does a little move to see if it would work. "Yeah, that would work." She mumbles and turns back around to Mike. "What if after the spin, we do the step back and roll our arms like this," Brittany demonstrates what she means._

_"Yeah that would be good," He copies the move she just did and smiles widely. "We'll be in partners, so what if after that we do a move off each other?" _

_Suddenly Brittany gets a light bulb moment. "I got it!" Brittany exclaims. "We turn and do... we do..." She couldn't find the right words to describe what she meant. "With the feet!" She shouts hoping Mike will understand; of course he doesn't. _

_"A lot of things involve feet Britt," Mike teases._

_"No! With the feet!" She shouts again, getting more and more frustrated. She moves over to her water bottle and takes a long sip. She tries to calm her breathing down but it doesn't work. She needs to release her frustration. She picks up the nearest thing to her and launches it across the room. However, she needs something more. She angrily punches her fist into the ground only to be picked up by Mike not even seconds later._

_"Stop that! You'll hurt yourself!" Mike says and rubs her hand. "Calm down. Take deep breaths." He guides her breathing and she watches him through her tears and copies his movements. _

_"I'm sorry," She sobs and falls into his side._

_"Hey, it's okay," He coos and rubs her arm to show his support. _

_"I-I can't control it and I just get so-so frustrated," She continues crying heavily. _

_"It's okay," He continues his words of encouragement until she calms down._

_"It's not my fault," She says._

_"I know," He replies sweetly._

_"I was in a car accident and it messed up my brain," She lets her head fall onto his shoulder._

_"You're perfectly normal Britt," Mike reassures. "I'll be here for you when you need help."_

* * *

"Our talk was a lot less emotional," Sam says. "She told me because we both know what it's like to be called stupid and an idiot for stuff that you can't control. Her's is a lot worse than mine is because I just had dyslexia but I still sorta understood."

"She told me when she was helping me with the posters for my class president campaign," Kurt says softly. "I dismissed all her ideas because they weren't what I had envisioned, then she took that as me calling her stupid. She had a little breakdown about 'how stupid she was' but instead of agreeing, I simply listened. Then she just kind of told me." Kurt shrugs.

It was silent again. Artie furrowed his eyebrows at Sam's 'confession'. Surely if anyone understood what she was going through it would've been him.

"Why didn't she tell me? I mean we were both in a car accident and we're both disabled? Surely we both understand each other," Artie asks puzzled.

"One, don't call her disabled, she hates it. Two, she was going to tell you but then you called her an idiot, so she broke up with you and didn't look back," Quinn explains with a bite in her voice.

Artie slumps into his chair defeatedly. He looked around the room and noticed the same expressions on everyone else's faces. How did none of them see what Santana and Brittany went through in high school? This is a reality check. They all need to change, they need to stop being so judgemental and they need to do it now.

**There we have it! Brittany's secret is out! I have no idea if a CT scan is what you have at the yearly checkups but we're gonna go with it. I hope you enjoyed!**


	20. I’mSorry

Hey guys! I appreciate everyone who has read my story. This was my second fanfiction and I was pretty new to writing. I read over my stories again the other day and I'm extremely disappointed with how my writing looks. So I've decided to delete the story and I may rewrite it. I'm really sorry to those who did enjoy it though.

xoxo Nayasmin18


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